The Mighty Thoughts

Author: Ramneet ASL Info:    33/F/Boston Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 272 /107 /55 Words: 189

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1882 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 572

Description:

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The Mighty Thoughts

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They make your vision. They make your world. They can make your adrenaline rush. Tormenting thoughts. Rejoicing thoughts. Sprint of the thoughts. Marathon of the thoughts. Purity of the thoughts. Positivity of the thoughts. Taking hiatus from the negative thoughts. Averts the turmoil of the thoughts. Culmination of a peaceful mind and a peaceful world.

Submitted on 2015-01-20 00:51:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Overall not bad but try tightening the first three lines. You have so much repetition that this does not need to be part of it. Here's an example. Focusing vision Creating your world Controlling the adrenaline rush. This is actually closer in structure to the rest and does not look like you rushed through without choosing your words carefully. Every word needs to contribute or go. Sprint of the thoughts this line sounds and feels strange. try Sprinting thoughts. Hope you find t bhai is helpful. ~jan

| Posted on 2015-01-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

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