Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Mighty Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ramneet
    ASL Info:    33/F/Boston
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 270/107/55
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1252
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 572



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots The Mighty Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They make your vision.
    They make your world.
    They can make your adrenaline rush.
    Tormenting thoughts.
    Rejoicing thoughts.
    Sprint of the thoughts.
    Marathon of the thoughts.
    Purity of the thoughts.
    Positivity of the thoughts.
    Taking hiatus from the negative thoughts.
    Averts the turmoil of the thoughts.
    Culmination of a peaceful mind and a peaceful world.




    Submitted on 2015-01-20 00:51:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Overall not bad but try tightening the first three lines. You have so much repetition that this does not need to be part of it. Here's an example.

    Focusing vision
    Creating your world
    Controlling the adrenaline rush.

    This is actually closer in structure to the rest and does not look like you rushed through without choosing your words carefully. Every word needs to contribute or go.

    Sprint of the thoughts
    this line sounds and feels strange.
    try
    Sprinting thoughts.
    Hope you find t bhai is helpful.
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199899

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Legends written by poetotoe
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Stretto written by saartha
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry