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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Give it Updots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    38/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 335/330/93
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Rant/Misc
    Total Views: 580
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1021



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGive it Updots
    -------------------------------------------


    And there I was...
    it its fullness
    spelling its "true intention"
    revealing the snake beneath...


    Who am I to judge?
    My life has not been ponies and rainbows.

    But the only difference,
    I'm making the change.
    The uncomfortable,
    life altering,
    mind setting..
    Necessary Changes!

    I was there,
    in its "realities"
    living again in its fantasies,
    believing its lies..
    what a fool.
    a misjudge of the masses,
    of myself,
    of who is the "trusted"

    Ohh wolf in your sheep's clothing,
    you got me there for a quick moment
    but I washed your clothes...

    I stumbled into your hidden dirt
    revealing all your lies...


    But I've learned a hard lesson,
    and I guess that was the true meaning of this....


    Time to brush my shoulders off....




    Submitted on 2015-01-21 17:51:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Not sure about the second line. Typo? I also think you could tighten the first line of stanza 2 to "Only difference" Id also take out the "of this" in the second to last line. It made me go hmmm, re-read and still felt I'd missed what the elusive "this" refers to. Cryptic and open are good but not when it distracts the reader.
    Overall I liked the poem. It read like a diary conversation with self and selfish. Good structure and movement of lines..
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Not sure about the second line. Typo? I also think you could tighten the first line of stanza 2 to "Only difference" Id also take out the "of this" in the second to last line. It made me go hmmm, re-read and still felt I'd missed what the elusive "this" refers to. Cryptic and open are good but not when it distracts the reader.
    Overall I liked the poem. It read like a diary conversation with self and selfish. Good structure and movement of lines..
    ~jan
    | Posted on 2015-01-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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