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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mirrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 719
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMirrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    i have few pictures of you
    or of us together and even those
    I have don’t show your face
    the way that I remember it –
    the last time (I saw Paris)
    that silent approach
    between the platforms
    that heavy sleeplessness
    and alien touch
    as if
    I were kissing a mirror
    this horror
    stretches out
    in multitudes
    what was real
    me with you, or without?





    Submitted on 2015-01-23 15:56:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yulia – I loved it. Tragic and yet caring. Loss is always difficult, as memories linger. Eventually we must let go. I especially liked “And alien touch, as if, I were kissing a mirror.”
    One small suggestion: L1 and L3 cannot co-exist (no pictures) (those I have). Just change L1 “no” to “few.”

    Phil
    | Posted on 2015-01-27 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this until the last line....It's just grammatically wrong and makes me cringe. I hate being a grammar nazi but I can't help it. Good otherwise though. It reminded me of my best friend who died of cancer a couple years ago and how we don't really have any pictures together, and how much I miss her. Readers can easily relate which is great, that's what you want so people will read your piece.
    | Posted on 2015-01-26 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]


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