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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95/166/107
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 890



    Description:
       It's messy and I don't care.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I found her
    I found her
    the one I was supposed to be
    She wasn't really hiding
    She really did find me

    She was singing in the forest
    a song I should have known
    a melody so pure, to which she was completely bound
    her heart was found a million miles
    from the place where it began
    beating faster now than ever
    on the light stored within

    She had to be reminded that
    life is full of love
    when the right eyes find you
    there is nothing but above
    Improvement for improvements sake
    is not a fullfilling line
    she had to learn to let go
    and freedom came in time

    where the journey felt impeded
    was nothing, simply air
    happiness was and is a choice
    none other that exists to compare







    Submitted on 2015-02-05 06:00:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like rws's tweaks on your piece, as far as the edits in parentheses goes, but the stanza formation I don't agree with. I'm big on free writing and believe that if you wrote it the way you wanted it to be written, then the way the stanzas are formatted isn't important. Yes it's something that needs consideration, but not nearly as important as the words themselves and the story they are trying to tell. I say keep the formatting the way you have it originally and just make the parenthetical adjustments that rws suggested.

    Overall a wonderful peace and glad I took the time to read it :)
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      I found her
    I found her
    the one I was supposed to be
    She wasn't really hiding
    She really did find me

    She was singing in the forest
    a song I should have known
    a melody so pure
    she (felt) completely bound

    her heart was found a million miles
    from the place where it began
    beating faster now than ever
    on (pure) light stored within

    She had to be reminded
    that life is full of love
    when the right eyes find you
    (you have all that lies) above

    Improvement for improvement's sake
    is not a fullfilling line
    she had to learn to let go
    and freedom came in time

    where the journey felt impeded
    (there) was nothing, simply air
    happiness was and is a choice
    (to which nothing else compares)

    Just a few suggestions in terms of tweaks (which you may use or ignore as you see fit).
    | Posted on 2015-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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