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Rose


Author: Queen_of_spades
ASL Info:    21/F/Nocturne
Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 95 /166 /107
Words: 139
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1028
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 890



Description:


It's messy and I don't care.


Rose



I found her
I found her
the one I was supposed to be
She wasn't really hiding
She really did find me

She was singing in the forest
a song I should have known
a melody so pure, to which she was completely bound
her heart was found a million miles
from the place where it began
beating faster now than ever
on the light stored within

She had to be reminded that
life is full of love
when the right eyes find you
there is nothing but above
Improvement for improvements sake
is not a fullfilling line
she had to learn to let go
and freedom came in time

where the journey felt impeded
was nothing, simply air
happiness was and is a choice
none other that exists to compare







Submitted on 2015-02-05 06:00:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like rws's tweaks on your piece, as far as the edits in parentheses goes, but the stanza formation I don't agree with. I'm big on free writing and believe that if you wrote it the way you wanted it to be written, then the way the stanzas are formatted isn't important. Yes it's something that needs consideration, but not nearly as important as the words themselves and the story they are trying to tell. I say keep the formatting the way you have it originally and just make the parenthetical adjustments that rws suggested.

Overall a wonderful peace and glad I took the time to read it :)
| Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
  I found her
I found her
the one I was supposed to be
She wasn't really hiding
She really did find me

She was singing in the forest
a song I should have known
a melody so pure
she (felt) completely bound

her heart was found a million miles
from the place where it began
beating faster now than ever
on (pure) light stored within

She had to be reminded
that life is full of love
when the right eyes find you
(you have all that lies) above

Improvement for improvement's sake
is not a fullfilling line
she had to learn to let go
and freedom came in time

where the journey felt impeded
(there) was nothing, simply air
happiness was and is a choice
(to which nothing else compares)

Just a few suggestions in terms of tweaks (which you may use or ignore as you see fit).
| Posted on 2015-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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