Rose
|
|
Description:
It's messy and I don't care.
Rose
I found her I found her the one I was supposed to be She wasn't really hiding She really did find me She was singing in the forest a song I should have known a melody so pure, to which she was completely bound her heart was found a million miles from the place where it began beating faster now than ever on the light stored within She had to be reminded that life is full of love when the right eyes find you there is nothing but above Improvement for improvements sake is not a fullfilling line she had to learn to let go and freedom came in time where the journey felt impeded was nothing, simply air happiness was and is a choice none other that exists to compare |
Submitted on 2015-02-05 06:00:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post
Comments
| I like rws's tweaks on your piece, as far as the edits in parentheses goes, but the stanza formation I don't agree with. I'm big on free writing and believe that if you wrote it the way you wanted it to be written, then the way the stanzas are formatted isn't important. Yes it's something that needs consideration, but not nearly as important as the words themselves and the story they are trying to tell. I say keep the formatting the way you have it originally and just make the parenthetical adjustments that rws suggested. Overall a wonderful peace and glad I took the time to read it :) | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ] | I found her | I found her the one I was supposed to be She wasn't really hiding She really did find me She was singing in the forest a song I should have known a melody so pure she (felt) completely bound her heart was found a million miles from the place where it began beating faster now than ever on (pure) light stored within She had to be reminded that life is full of love when the right eyes find you (you have all that lies) above Improvement for improvement's sake is not a fullfilling line she had to learn to let go and freedom came in time where the journey felt impeded (there) was nothing, simply air happiness was and is a choice (to which nothing else compares) Just a few suggestions in terms of tweaks (which you may use or ignore as you see fit). | Posted on 2015-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | |
199939