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    dots Submission Name: If Walls Could Talkdots

    Author: TeslaKoyal
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 19/66/84
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1089


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf Walls Could Talkdots

    If walls could talk, they'd surly mock
    The ticking clock, behind the lock
    Where thoughts imbed, inside my head
    Where anger is fed, and fear is led
    To broken dreams, to busting seams
    With evil schemes, and silent screams
    Where darkness resides, empty inside
    False shattered lies, and defeated cries
    Boundaries crossed, but at what cost
    Innocence long lost, childhood tossed
    Always neglected, always reflected
    Never protected, feeling rejected
    Child reserved, every action absurd
    Everything endured, all pain deserved
    Just a play thing, then throw away thing
    There's no debating, only awaiting
    For the next time, another ignored crime
    But in the meantime, I'll pretend I'm fine
    Nothing amidst, just a bloody wrist
    I cannot resist, but to not ever exist
    If walls could talk, they'd never mock
    The ticking clock, behind the lock
    No one can assist, the terrifying list
    If I can never resist, I do not exist

    Submitted on 2015-02-06 12:40:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You forced me to reply and kinda of apology for confusing you with another, your mental state is your safety net. I really do not like your so called poetry I only read three, although a shad better than most junk posted here.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very personal but good poem. this is your poem so you can leave it the way you want because sometimes its better from the first thought of it written. I however have one small suggestion if you may allow it. in the lines
    "Always neglected, and it reflected
    Never protected, I feel so rejected"

    id maybe suggest

    "Always neglected, always reflected"

    there's a little more emphasis of the emotion of any time of neglect it will defiantly be reflected emotionally and physically.
    "Never protected, feeling rejected"

    One because if you count the rhythm in the first section then the end of that sentence it feels one beat off. if it is changed this way it keeps the rhythm and flows smoother. the other reason is this is a strong poem. by leaving the I out you are actually drawing the reader deeper and want to feel more of it. It is almost like you want to conclude it sooner.
    but I may be wrong.
    In any way I can image my self between four walls lost in a vast of helpless thoughts of unspoken tragedies.

    thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2015-02-06 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]

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