Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Infinite Crisis (1st verse from original draft)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 385



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInfinite Crisis (1st verse from original draft)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silently I stumble, my movements anything but tame.
    Stability bound to crumble, left to fortify the pain.
    I flex my mental muscle, it.indicates a bit of strength.
    My mind's tired from the hustle, stretched to a new length.
    Now a slave; not to the system, but my own discontent.
    Reluctantly still brave. Indulged in courage but still hell bent.




    Submitted on 2015-02-06 21:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      nice write Kase
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I went back and read the other version and there is no comparison in style or content. This one is much more sophisticated than the other version. Totally different style. I kept looking at the internal rhyme scheme and tried to decide if I would have preferred 12 lines vs 6, but no I think this is better so that your readers is not caught up in your rhymes scheme. Ont typo in line 3 with the period after it. but I totally enjoyed the read.
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199955

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry