Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Infinite Crisis (1st verse from original draft)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 385



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInfinite Crisis (1st verse from original draft)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silently I stumble, my movements anything but tame.
    Stability bound to crumble, left to fortify the pain.
    I flex my mental muscle, it.indicates a bit of strength.
    My mind's tired from the hustle, stretched to a new length.
    Now a slave; not to the system, but my own discontent.
    Reluctantly still brave. Indulged in courage but still hell bent.




    Submitted on 2015-02-06 21:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      nice write Kase
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I went back and read the other version and there is no comparison in style or content. This one is much more sophisticated than the other version. Totally different style. I kept looking at the internal rhyme scheme and tried to decide if I would have preferred 12 lines vs 6, but no I think this is better so that your readers is not caught up in your rhymes scheme. Ont typo in line 3 with the period after it. but I totally enjoyed the read.
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199955

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Records I written by Raphael
    untitled written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry