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Inner silence, the captivity of my own freedom...There are so many things that partake in the making to my hearts discretion.
I look so far back in the past and analyze how far it took to get the point that I have come too. A taste for destruction, a hollow point of emptiness and a lonesome shell that feeds disconnection from the ones that I love...So long I have questioned my stature and my own capability that I am to return the silent affections that live deep inside my spectral wounds...
Bounded by dissonance and rationality that things can not be, leaves me with the void that I can not seem to adjust, control, or hold onto anymore...The temporal feelings of inadequacy so profound...Suffice I should say that I can no longer handle the breaking of my spirit. In my own silence I breath the fumes of exhaustion left arresting my lungs...This tide sheds tears sharp like razors, and the bleeding continues to diminish my heart to the manner of my own self-destructive tendencies...What purpose will it serve when it destroys the plot of my entire livelihood? To what risk am I really yielding in my self-expression? This nature that is so impure and contaminated with self-loathing, self-indulging fears, ridicule, insecurities, and insipid tormenting.
Thoughts continues to haunt me as I become older...
Regarding feelings how can I can be so sure they are not misleading me to illusion? Secluding and eluding the seasons of life I have been irreparable to myself and my healing...In prison behind closed doors is where all the destruction hides. I just have to be so responsible to put on a smiling face, get to work and school on time, gain a few laughs, and look like I am busy....Facade! But in reality and within my silence the monsters manifest...They continue to infest. Wrapping in the gift of deepest surroundings... Alone, so alone from reality...Left with society quickly to judge but never quick enough to emphasize the experiences. I remain silent...Mistreating the wounds. Neglecting the need for affection...Intimidating my will and allowing others the planet to intimidate me...Thoughtless provoking is the symptom and then the assaults come to play...
If ever I could live and love so purely that it could cast the darkness away would I become truly separated from my shadow? Or will I forevermore live within this blackness of hatred...Dreams, dreams, dreams, they serve as creative imagination...What is, is, and the reality is nothings guaranteed...If only I follow the algorithm of life or could shut the mood switch off. I wish I could smile and accept everything as it truly is...For the worlds sake and mine...But if it were the decision of life with all of these bereavements in hand and death, then I choose death...
| While reading this I found myself pulled into the world of the piece. I think this could be the beginnings of a great story about an individual's journey through this world. I would suggest some grammatical changes but I'll only offer those if you wish to hear them. I've felt this before and I think that others have as well which makes this pretty relate-able and would get others sucked into wanting to read more, as it did with me. Thank you for sharing this, I definitely enjoyed reading it :) If you ever need anyone to talk to or to listen, please feel free to send me a private message.||| Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ] || The question is "What did you learn?" I decided long ago to learn from things I can't change and then let them loos. Not always an easy task, but necessary. The spirit will heal itself, but you've got to get out of its way first. Did you know that a smile can be a bigger shield than a frown or scowl? Of course you do, You've been using it for a while. Try frowning when you feel like smiling. Or better yet frowning when you feel like frowning. You might be surprised a who cares, and, some days, just that one person knowing that life's crappy for you and caring is enough. Remember that without light there is no shadows and with out shadows we really can't see the light. It's the shades of darkness that makes the world a three dimensional place, so would you really give them all up?|
Just some thoughts today.
PS- Hope this is just cathartic writing.
|| Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ] |