Dance of the Pheonix -------------------------------------------
Never saw the world from a childs mind
Darkness tinged the years ment for delight
Locked within a blackened night
A flickering wick to light the path of right
Ebony turns to crimson
As time ripples upon the surface
Fading, lost beneath the crashing seasons
Summer comes and goes
Leaving behind the bittersweet kiss of the rose
Perfection swept away in a breath
As distance seems to grow
Love turns to fear
The candles glow to smoke
Falling from grace to fast to escape
Her soul ignites consumed by the flames
From the ashes start again
Inocent eyes. . .
I really enjoyed both the context and metaphor of this piece.
Your unique voice and word choice were entertaining in that it captured my attention and encouraged me to continue reading. This had everything I always look for in a piece for me to really ejoy it so thank you so much for sharing.
I can see this having some potential but the spelling errors are numerous to look past. Not to mention the fact they are errors that could have been avoided if you had proof read this before posting it. I've guilty of doing that as well so I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out that it took me away from enjoying the poem. I like where you were going with it though. After some editing I think it would be really good.
This is very well written. You do have two typos: Inocent/Innocent in lines one and seventeen (last) and ment/meant in line three. That however, does not detract from the strong metaphor that you have built. Some relationships are meant to crash and burn, but I like that you give a fresh new start. You did not carry the baggage along with you. I'm not sure I'd change much on this piece. A nitpick would be to go back and punctuate it. Word will get the big stuff. I personally am a horrible speller, too. Try using Chrome as a browser because it catches most of the misspells.