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    dots Submission Name: Dance of the Pheonixdots

    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    26/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476/419/137
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 391
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDance of the Pheonixdots

    Inocent eyes
    Never saw the world from a childs mind
    Darkness tinged the years ment for delight
    Locked within a blackened night
    A flickering wick to light the path of right
    Ebony turns to crimson
    As time ripples upon the surface
    Fading, lost beneath the crashing seasons
    Summer comes and goes
    Leaving behind the bittersweet kiss of the rose
    Perfection swept away in a breath
    As distance seems to grow
    Love turns to fear
    The candles glow to smoke
    Falling from grace to fast to escape
    Her soul ignites consumed by the flames
    From the ashes start again
    Inocent eyes. . .

    Submitted on 2015-02-09 21:29:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed both the context and metaphor of this piece.
    Your unique voice and word choice were entertaining in that it captured my attention and encouraged me to continue reading. This had everything I always look for in a piece for me to really ejoy it so thank you so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2016-07-15 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see this having some potential but the spelling errors are numerous to look past. Not to mention the fact they are errors that could have been avoided if you had proof read this before posting it. I've guilty of doing that as well so I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out that it took me away from enjoying the poem. I like where you were going with it though. After some editing I think it would be really good.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well written. You do have two typos: Inocent/Innocent in lines one and seventeen (last) and ment/meant in line three. That however, does not detract from the strong metaphor that you have built. Some relationships are meant to crash and burn, but I like that you give a fresh new start. You did not carry the baggage along with you. I'm not sure I'd change much on this piece. A nitpick would be to go back and punctuate it. Word will get the big stuff. I personally am a horrible speller, too. Try using Chrome as a browser because it catches most of the misspells.
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

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