Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dance of the Pheonixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    26/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476/419/137
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 431
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDance of the Pheonixdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Inocent eyes
    Never saw the world from a childs mind
    Darkness tinged the years ment for delight
    Locked within a blackened night
    A flickering wick to light the path of right
    Ebony turns to crimson
    As time ripples upon the surface
    Fading, lost beneath the crashing seasons
    Summer comes and goes
    Leaving behind the bittersweet kiss of the rose
    Perfection swept away in a breath
    As distance seems to grow
    Love turns to fear
    The candles glow to smoke
    Falling from grace to fast to escape
    Her soul ignites consumed by the flames
    From the ashes start again
    Inocent eyes. . .




    Submitted on 2015-02-09 21:29:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed both the context and metaphor of this piece.
    Your unique voice and word choice were entertaining in that it captured my attention and encouraged me to continue reading. This had everything I always look for in a piece for me to really ejoy it so thank you so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2016-07-15 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see this having some potential but the spelling errors are numerous to look past. Not to mention the fact they are errors that could have been avoided if you had proof read this before posting it. I've guilty of doing that as well so I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out that it took me away from enjoying the poem. I like where you were going with it though. After some editing I think it would be really good.
    | Posted on 2015-02-12 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well written. You do have two typos: Inocent/Innocent in lines one and seventeen (last) and ment/meant in line three. That however, does not detract from the strong metaphor that you have built. Some relationships are meant to crash and burn, but I like that you give a fresh new start. You did not carry the baggage along with you. I'm not sure I'd change much on this piece. A nitpick would be to go back and punctuate it. Word will get the big stuff. I personally am a horrible speller, too. Try using Chrome as a browser because it catches most of the misspells.
    | Posted on 2015-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199961

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cage written by distortedcloud
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry