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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unconscious Love©™dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kyserin
    ASL Info:    30's/Female/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 44/25/52
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 413
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1255



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnconscious Love©™dots
    -------------------------------------------


    unconscious love

    Cant you see , i was dieing
    what's on the inside is fighting
    im on the verg of denying

    I'm fighting the sorrow
    I know all to well

    your my destruction
    you, take away my pain

    since ive met you ,
    ive never been the same

    my life has changed,
    Ive noticed the light

    We are ,ever glowing
    I dont want to fade

    I wish you could see,
    the real me and feel the same

    This would blow your mind
    heart felt things ,
    I dont mean to hide

    that unconscious me,
    buried deep inside

    you`ve unlocked me,
    you show me things,
    I See, now

    that other me, that
    I want to be ,

    you ,
    the key to my awaken soul

    I wish you knew ,
    you had this control

    my stitches ,
    these bindings,this stability ,
    My head is screaming

    keys to my undoing,
    the needle to my thread

    On the inside , I thought
    I was dead

    alive in the shadows,
    In my heart & head




    Submitted on 2015-02-17 10:46:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thank you for the feed back , yes i get told that alot i have issues with punctuation lol it makes sense in my head just not so well on paper lol
    | Posted on 2017-08-27 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]
      First off either capitalize or don't. Punctuate apostrophes or don't. Leaving it part done looks like laziness,
    L1 dieing= dying
    L3 verg = verge
    L6 your = you're
    L12 needs no comma
    L20- I'd make this the beginning of the next strophe instead of the end of the one you have it on.

    On the whole this is not bad. You've expressed how being near someone has changed how you look and feel about yourself well. It just needs a little cleanup. Try posting into Word first of using Chrome for a browser and it should catch your mistakes in spelling and punctuation.
    | Posted on 2015-02-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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