Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 580



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsapartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    when butterflies fly
    the world turns gray
    no other colors shine
    only the ones imprinted on its wings
    the flowers weep in such view
    as I am,
    with eyes as brown as the dirt of soil
    mingled with the death of leaves
    all attached to the earth
    with a moment of certainty,
    clarity that things would go differently
    He was not born to fly
    one that could carry you
    nor bring an image of a rainbow
    but can reveal the meaning of goodbye
    in one
    ....one step away





    Submitted on 2015-02-18 06:52:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have petty concerns as to the conjunctions between lines and words, though this includes the suspicion that you will master these on your own, with time and much practice-
    As all artists do.

    "He was not born to fly
    one that could carry you
    nor bring an image of a rainbow"

    Perhaps if you could elaborate on this stanza, I'd understand. Though, until you do, I'm individually incapable of making any sensible compatibility between the three lines.
    | Posted on 2015-02-21 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the image of your eyes. Your eyes sound very pretty. I've felt this sort of loss before, also, and I'm sorry you've had to go through it. I liked this a lot, I can definitely relate. I look forward to reading more from you. Keep the descriptive nature of your writing, it definitely made this piece interesting to read.
    | Posted on 2015-02-18 00:00:00 | by riverrei | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    199981

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Every..... written by jackz
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Fasade written by jackz
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry