Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: V/Liable dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: OneDarkFlame92
    ASL Info:    23/m/Numeanor
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 455/419/222
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsV/Liable dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She clutches my hand and says "I'm sure"
    we breathe too clearly with doubt on our tongues
    rain trickles down the window, illuminated by streetlights
    and the scene is set

    She clutches my arm and feels that I'm sure
    it's morning now and things come clearly
    but it's too early to be sure
    as the clock slows once more

    She clutches my arm and says "I'm scared"
    I sigh too heavily and tears escape
    the doctors have come to take her away

    the day has come to take you away




    Submitted on 2015-02-28 16:02:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I assume this is about abortion?

    Anyways, I think you are spot on at describing the way it really is for a young woman, whatever her reason may be. It is easier to make a decision when you're not actually there at the doctor's office. But once your name is up, it seems as if life flashes you by and there is hesitancy, alarm, doubt, maybe even wanting of changing your mind.

    I like the way you write "She clutches my hand and says 'I'm sure'", making it seem like she's not sure at all. And then the feeling becomes even stronger by the end. I sincerely sympathize with the protagonist.

    Beautiful simple yet very piercing write.
    | Posted on 2015-03-01 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200013

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Linger written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Incubus written by monad
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry