[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: UTE TRIP TO APPALACHIAdots

    Author: hanuman
    ASL Info:    3 score & 10 & some!
    Elite Ratio:    5.99 - 804/1015/239
    Words: 555
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 597
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3748


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    We were driving the ute, well sort of.
    Me, the wife and the other woman,
    she of indeterminate relationship,
    daughter, sister, polygamous second spouse perhaps.
    on the back of the ute was a home-made cage
    of forked branches, not really holding, more reassuring
    a pair of randy Arapawa rampant rams.
    We were driving through America
    despite the kiwi plates on the ute
    and international restrictions
    on the movement of livestock.
    We came to a one-horse, clip-clop,
    clapboard, cedar-shingled, hickory-smoked,
    huckleberry finned, hunky dory,
    little old Appalachian hill-billy town.
    The locals had that kerchiefed, snub-nosed,
    vacuous, inbred brethren look.
    We parked in an old abandoned lot,
    piles of rubble, pools of oily water,
    datura and pokeberry weeds.
    A flea-bitten red dog, tied to a live-oak tree
    with a piece of string, scratched and yawned
    to show his yellow fangs and anaemic, hookworm gums.
    The rams were having none of this,
    and immediately broke out of their boma.
    No house of twigs would save them from this wolf.
    Atticus Finch, where are you when you are needed?
    Nostrils flehming to the harem hormones
    of the kerchiefed ewes across the road,
    they jumped the fence to fraternize with the enemy.
    In months to come I could envisage shorn ewes
    paraded in shame through the town
    with their healthy hybrid piebald lambs.
    We walked, my wives and I, down the street,
    past the grim faced matrons
    and the laconic, quid-hoiking, stringy men.
    We were anthropological tourists,
    A field study on the effects of
    “are you awake Mum?” foreplay
    on the genetic health of the natives.
    The street went on and on,
    barbers’ poles and hitching rails,
    sarsaparilla stalls and funeral parlour.
    “I’d better get the ute,” I volunteered.
    “You mosey on down a mite,” slipping into
    The local lingo. “Buy yourselves some bonnet ribbons.
    I’ll be back in two shakes of a coon’s tail.”
    Delayed only briefly by the charms
    of an antiquarian bookshop,
    I returned to the erstwhile vacant lot.
    Our ute was now behind a row of metal stakes
    And a purposeful electric fence – quite a shock.
    A man stood there in dungarees and wide-brimmed hat.
    He leered at me and reluctantly let me in.
    He wasn’t going to release the ute until I signed some form,
    some waiver he waved at me, some indemnity.
    I started to sign, but he stopped me,
    claiming my penmanship was illegible
    and he had better do it himself.
    I pointed out that my signature would be invalid
    If it wasn’t in fact signed by me.
    He demurred and I wrote down some pseudonym.
    “John Hancock” I believe it was.
    The ute was bogged down in the oily ground.
    I unloaded all the Faraday cage of branches
    that had housed my pet rams, Schroedinger and Freud
    and the ute sucked up out of the mud.
    “Okay, if I leave all these here?” nodding at the branches.
    “No!” he yelled, but still in first
    I slammed out of the gate and down the road.
    Boys on heavy, black-framed bicycles with plaid shirts and fishing-poles
    wobbled towards me.
    I swerved madly but still hit a few. I luckily avoided however
    a rickshaw with a towering, teetering column of banana boxes.
    I careened on down the road to pick up my womenfolk.
    I haven’t had a dream like this since my vasectomy.

    Submitted on 2015-03-01 18:32:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well Arthur, I found this to be thoroughly readable and it's kind of interesting (to me) i've been listening to a lot of eminem and there's that same network or system of connections in that, just as there is in this, it's solid stuff, you can do a bit of work and analyze it, you can't easily replicate it, but you can easily admire it, and see there's a bit of a class act that went into it -or hand behind it
    as far as composition.

    I enjoyed this for what it has of home and of Appalachia, which i have been watching a bit about on my netflix.

    You are the dude when it comes to description!
    | Posted on 2015-03-02 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Love written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]