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Saving a Marriage

Author: jaycee
ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2627 /1261 /188
Words: 377
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1680
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2469


This comes from a conversation with a very close friend. it's scary how much we're alike in most ways. We eat the same types of food, read the same types of books, love musicals and plays, and the list goes on. We have never viewed our marriages the same, though in the nine years we've been friends. If you've read my work, you know that I've had my share of marital issues, but my husband and I are still close after 21 yrs. We still LIKE each other. She is seriously struggling with hers.

Saving a Marriage

It's a curiosity to me
how we are so alike,
yet, so different in this manner.
I could never survive in your union,
my soul craves a more intimate bond.

You want things to change, and
need a starting point.
The definition of Marriage
is one you both should explore--
I think you'll find you have very
different definitions.

"Do years count?"
Only if they were good ones;
Only if you can look back and say
they made you a stronger couple.

"How about loyalty and fidelity?"
They count, but it is more than body;
It's the day to day of putting his needs
before yours of trying to make him happy,
of trying to be happy with him. Have you
done this faithfully?

"Why is it all about sex to him?"
Perhaps it more about cleaving,
feeling connected. Can you honestly say
you've felt that in a while?
Is sex not that to you?
Touch keeps you connected,
and denying him has left a void.
You are of words;
He is of the physical.
Try talking while holding his hand,
then both of you are connected.
It's a small start.

"What about raising our children?"
An important task, no doubt,
and it draws you closer if you do it as a team,
but it can also push you apart.
It can be a reason to talk
at each other
instead of to each other.
Another task to be done in a busy day,
running in opposite directions to meet their "needs."
But were they really their's,
or were they a convenient excuse to
head in a different direction--
the ultimate avoidance.

I listen to you talk about wanting to go to counseling,
but I wonder if you are ready to make the changes.
It's not all him;
It's not all you;
It's the both of you, wanting to change together.
It's finding the friend you married, and
committing to making it work.

Twenty-five years is a long time
to wallpaper over the issues
that are stacked in layers.
Now it is time for the hard work
of tearing it all off, and resurfacing.
Are you up to remodeling your home?

Submitted on 2015-03-09 18:00:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  A wonderful bit of prose to be sure. As another reviewer stated "...this is full of wisdom"...and I couldn't agree more.

A friend of mine from high school and is wife (also a close friend) were going through some difficult times after there second child was born. He was working late for UPS (and working on his MBA), and she had just finished her Master's in Education. During the week, the rarely saw each other. The weekends were about the children, and it just seemed like there was no time for the two of them to "talk". Finally, one evening, they both sat down together, and began sorting out the months and months of details and frustrations. They made sure that the other person was aware that blame was they were a team. They took a sarcred vow to work things out for better or for matter what. They figured it out, and they did what needed to be done...and they are as close now as they have ever been.

Thank you for sharing, jaycee!

| Posted on 2015-04-10 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
  It's funny you should speak about years (in this poem and in your journal) because I would say this is one of the better things I have read in a long long time. It's great to find all that content -and have it come forth plainly and professionally. I thought this was a sweetness -and I would like to find a girl like that.

Big ups for the tone you struck and carried throughout. The kind of writing you could stick up on the fridge with a magnet.

they're great].
| Posted on 2015-03-16 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh yes this is full of wisdom. Amen. So many relationships and marriages suffer this wallpaper solution you speak of. So many people wanting to be loved or understood without first loving and understanding also. And how can we expect anything to change ifmwemcant put forth effort into areas of concern for the other person before we complain about our areas of need. I agree with your point. Lucky your friend has you.
| Posted on 2015-03-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Some people can be very well versed in culture, but not very mature or wise when it comes to the matters of the heart, even after years of being with the same person. Instead of getting closer together, they grow apart, because each one of them is pulling in the opposite direction with their needs and wants.

True love is about the other person first, their well being and happiness above all, but also about communication and compromising. Obviously it is a two-way street. And true love must have companionship! Without it, everything just falls apart.

Thank you for these wise words. It was a very nice dialogue, like from a good friend to a good friend, from a wise teacher to a student, from mother preparing her child to adulthood.
| Posted on 2015-03-09 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]

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