Emphasize the size of lies
Hidden in an apple
Frozen in insecurity
Where poison conflicts
The brain clock tics
No kiss can awaken
A body already broken
What list is there to share?
Crossing off days gone by
Stalked by a spy
Those emerald hazy eyes
Will open and realize
That one bite was a lifetime savor
Where no savior came
None to blame
But ones self
Inner wings will now take flight
The sickness tamed
Oh mirror, mirror who is fairer?
My dear it’s not the snow, the rain, the wind
Nor thy ego within
But it’s the darkness in you, which became light
Like diamond stars at night
The poison has bloomed beauty within you my dear Blood White
Your strength is the fairest of them all
That made you rise and wise
A tough climb
No not once upon a time
But many times before you have learned
Then earned the knowledge of strife
Where hidden is the secret definition of life
Ah, it feels as though this piece were written at midnight by an open window. Perhaps I get this idea due to the mystical qualities it possesses.
You list these...outcomes, and demonstrate such a familiarity with the woman's state of body and mind that seem to be the result of pent up concepts although uncoordinated, brilliantly crude.
I find the idea that her blood stain white rather than red somewhat endearing, though I don't believe that to have been your intent.
I would've appreciated a couple more commas, specifically at "My dear(,) it’s not the snow" and "No(,) not once upon a time" just because I'm into poetry out-loud and those commas make the best dramatic breaks.
Needless to say, this would be a hit.