[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Blood Whitedots

    Author: ShadowParadox
    Elite Ratio:    2.74 - 25/67/35
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1004
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1774

       Sample poem I just wrote from my upcoming book~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Whitedots

    Parallel farewell
    Energy flowing
    Chemicals penetrating
    Betraying atoms
    Exploiting cells
    Bending hormones
    Syllable silicone

    Parasite insight
    Emphasize the size of lies
    Hidden in an apple
    Enable her
    Sleeping beauty
    Frozen in insecurity

    Where poison conflicts
    The brain clock tics
    Seconds pass

    No kiss can awaken
    A body already broken

    Cocoon catalyst
    Butterfly analyst

    What list is there to share?
    Crossing off days gone by
    Stalked by a spy
    Those emerald hazy eyes
    Will open and realize
    That one bite was a lifetime savor
    Where no savior came
    None to blame
    But ones self

    Inner wings will now take flight
    The sickness tamed
    Oh mirror, mirror who is fairer?

    My dear it’s not the snow, the rain, the wind
    Nor thy ego within
    But it’s the darkness in you, which became light
    Shining bright
    Like diamond stars at night
    The poison has bloomed beauty within you my dear Blood White
    Your strength is the fairest of them all
    Your fall
    That made you rise and wise

    A tough climb

    No not once upon a time
    But many times before you have learned


    Then earned the knowledge of strife
    Where hidden is the secret definition of life

    Submitted on 2015-03-12 00:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      no mistakes
    | Posted on 2015-04-15 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, it feels as though this piece were written at midnight by an open window. Perhaps I get this idea due to the mystical qualities it possesses.
    You list these...outcomes, and demonstrate such a familiarity with the woman's state of body and mind that seem to be the result of pent up concepts although uncoordinated, brilliantly crude.
    I find the idea that her blood stain white rather than red somewhat endearing, though I don't believe that to have been your intent.
    I would've appreciated a couple more commas, specifically at "My dear(,) it’s not the snow" and "No(,) not once upon a time" just because I'm into poetry out-loud and those commas make the best dramatic breaks.
    Needless to say, this would be a hit.
    | Posted on 2015-03-12 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]