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    dots Submission Name: Blood Whitedots

    Author: ShadowParadox
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 23/66/34
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 928
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1774

       Sample poem I just wrote from my upcoming book~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Whitedots

    Parallel farewell
    Energy flowing
    Chemicals penetrating
    Betraying atoms
    Exploiting cells
    Bending hormones
    Syllable silicone

    Parasite insight
    Emphasize the size of lies
    Hidden in an apple
    Enable her
    Sleeping beauty
    Frozen in insecurity

    Where poison conflicts
    The brain clock tics
    Seconds pass

    No kiss can awaken
    A body already broken

    Cocoon catalyst
    Butterfly analyst

    What list is there to share?
    Crossing off days gone by
    Stalked by a spy
    Those emerald hazy eyes
    Will open and realize
    That one bite was a lifetime savor
    Where no savior came
    None to blame
    But ones self

    Inner wings will now take flight
    The sickness tamed
    Oh mirror, mirror who is fairer?

    My dear it’s not the snow, the rain, the wind
    Nor thy ego within
    But it’s the darkness in you, which became light
    Shining bright
    Like diamond stars at night
    The poison has bloomed beauty within you my dear Blood White
    Your strength is the fairest of them all
    Your fall
    That made you rise and wise

    A tough climb

    No not once upon a time
    But many times before you have learned


    Then earned the knowledge of strife
    Where hidden is the secret definition of life

    Submitted on 2015-03-12 00:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      no mistakes
    | Posted on 2015-04-15 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, it feels as though this piece were written at midnight by an open window. Perhaps I get this idea due to the mystical qualities it possesses.
    You list these...outcomes, and demonstrate such a familiarity with the woman's state of body and mind that seem to be the result of pent up concepts although uncoordinated, brilliantly crude.
    I find the idea that her blood stain white rather than red somewhat endearing, though I don't believe that to have been your intent.
    I would've appreciated a couple more commas, specifically at "My dear(,) it’s not the snow" and "No(,) not once upon a time" just because I'm into poetry out-loud and those commas make the best dramatic breaks.
    Needless to say, this would be a hit.
    | Posted on 2015-03-12 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

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