Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I've Seen Herdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SavedDragon
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 302/257/79
    Words: 261
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 747
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1583



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI've Seen Herdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I watched her

    As she glided across the room

    As if she had wings

    Her voice was music to my ears

    As if she could sing

    But she never spoke to me




    I noticed when she was sad

    But when she smiled and laughed

    She was graceful

    A quality I wished I had

    But she never saw me




    She had good hair days and bad hair days

    Switched her style to her mood

    And It was just a phase

    I smiled at her from the distance

    But she never noticed me




    I wished I could have been there

    When she looked stressed

    She sighed a few times, looked down

    But my life was a mess

    She kept calm and carried on




    Her intelligence could not be matched

    I saw her kiss her bf on the cheek

    She seemed needy and attached

    But she was better than me




    The earth stood still when she passed by

    But that was just a memory

    I wanted her, the good and bad

    But she never spoke to me




    I remember the vividness of her beauty

    Days go by when sometimes I think of her

    She hasn't seen me

    But I've seen her




    Submitted on 2015-03-27 01:39:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel this would have been more of an impact had it been shorter.
    I do not particularly appreciate the repetition of only one phrase, that being "But she never spoke to me", as it sorta threw me off.
    I just wish it had gotten to the point, rather than the ramble, as it had been so straight-forward in the beginning, though much less so towards the end.
    However, I enjoyed reading it and its purpose is not at all difficult to relate to.
    | Posted on 2015-03-28 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200101

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry