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    dots Submission Name: This clever man.dots

    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1234


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis clever man.dots

    Wherever you go, there you are.
    You ever lost your mind following your heart?
    3,000 miles, don't think..
    Cause they say
    great things are never planned..
    So I drove the whole damn way
    with this clever man.
    My forever man
    whose brain works like quicksand
    just trying to understand the world
    as fast as he can.

    I couldn't help but remember
    when my heart set on fire just
    wishing me here.
    Suddenly digging through embers
    cause shit it's been 10 fucking years.
    Having no idea the thoughts that I've kept,
    as I passed through his town, it all slowly crept.
    The things I couldn't say I say when I'm asleep
    I dreamt about him nearly every night this week.
    My first love.
    Whose touched burned me from the inside out,
    what an attraction.
    Our scrapbook full of reckless passion
    Mixtape left to help me cope
    agonizing letters filled with hope.
    My first ghost, my first distraction.

    Yet he will never be this clever man,
    Who put forever on my hand
    and wherever my forever goes, there I am.

    Submitted on 2015-04-01 12:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      LOL, I liked this. I once two had a clever man that was definitely not my forever man, but you never could have convinced me of that then. I love how you pulled me along through this with the rhyme and near rhyme that's sprinkled throughout. Not enough to be a true rhyme scheme, but enough that it catches the attention. I wanted to read this aloud so I could here the way these words went together.
    Nothing critical here, because I did not see anything I'd change.
    | Posted on 2015-04-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Throughout the poem, I found myself enraptured in the event that happened not to me, yet involved a strategically formulation word plot that I felt could relate to anyone. At least, anyone older than 13, hah.
    I only came here to praise, in all honesty, but this is because the only possible critique would be to complicate its simplicity, or that you elaborate on the personal experience- a piece of advice that I am not at all equipped in offering.
    However, the ending did take me by surprise, if not overall throwing me off. I would appreciate that you explain what the last verse's purpose was, whether through PM or a reply on my wall.
    Thank you, nonetheless, for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-04-15 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

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