Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This clever man.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1234



    Description:
       Irony.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis clever man.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wherever you go, there you are.
    You ever lost your mind following your heart?
    3,000 miles, don't think..
    Cause they say
    great things are never planned..
    So I drove the whole damn way
    with this clever man.
    My forever man
    whose brain works like quicksand
    just trying to understand the world
    as fast as he can.

    I couldn't help but remember
    when my heart set on fire just
    wishing me here.
    Suddenly digging through embers
    cause shit it's been 10 fucking years.
    Having no idea the thoughts that I've kept,
    as I passed through his town, it all slowly crept.
    The things I couldn't say I say when I'm asleep
    I dreamt about him nearly every night this week.
    My first love.
    Whose touched burned me from the inside out,
    what an attraction.
    Our scrapbook full of reckless passion
    Mixtape left to help me cope
    agonizing letters filled with hope.
    My first ghost, my first distraction.

    Yet he will never be this clever man,
    Who put forever on my hand
    and wherever my forever goes, there I am.




    Submitted on 2015-04-01 12:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      LOL, I liked this. I once two had a clever man that was definitely not my forever man, but you never could have convinced me of that then. I love how you pulled me along through this with the rhyme and near rhyme that's sprinkled throughout. Not enough to be a true rhyme scheme, but enough that it catches the attention. I wanted to read this aloud so I could here the way these words went together.
    Nothing critical here, because I did not see anything I'd change.
    | Posted on 2015-04-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Throughout the poem, I found myself enraptured in the event that happened not to me, yet involved a strategically formulation word plot that I felt could relate to anyone. At least, anyone older than 13, hah.
    I only came here to praise, in all honesty, but this is because the only possible critique would be to complicate its simplicity, or that you elaborate on the personal experience- a piece of advice that I am not at all equipped in offering.
    However, the ending did take me by surprise, if not overall throwing me off. I would appreciate that you explain what the last verse's purpose was, whether through PM or a reply on my wall.
    Thank you, nonetheless, for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-04-15 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200115

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    AI written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Etiquette written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cover written by saartha
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry