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    dots Submission Name: Sad Fatedots

    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.81 - 94/130/109
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 746
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 149


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    dotsSad Fatedots

    In the caroseul of blue light
    The silent bars of white
    Doom and gloom shut up
    In the comfortable room
    I'm losing you

    Submitted on 2015-04-01 16:12:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      It is hard not to wonder exactly what this is about. Generally I have no need for an explanation. This had a nice essence, the softness portrayed was sweet. I suppose this piece was bitter/sweet. Lovely imagery, simplicity, but ending on a note of loss. It creates a longing heart felt emotion. Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-08-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree about the puncuation after doom and gloom bc when I read it I really just want it to be one clear statement.

    I like this piece otherwise and had no problem with it, I like the tone created by word choice and imagery.

    Carousel of blue light and silent bars of white. I am picturing a multitude of visions, yet quiet, and then you use the word comfortable so that I can view this as peaceful and not overwhelming. I like the way that made me feel.
    | Posted on 2015-04-28 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this better without any punctuation at all, then again I don't know, acutely, what it's about.

    II like the simple rhymes light/white
    doom gloom room

    they (it) (all) (everything)
    are so close
    it goes from potentially being cat in the hat type stuff
    to electrifying poetry with a zoom lens.

    An I like the potentiality here, seems autobiographical.

    I think that a good life comes without pressure. I mean if you had everything you wanted blah blah blah
    but it's when you don't that you are forced to get out your pen and evolve.

    Anyway, I really like your stuff, I might not get it (as you know it) or like every single piece (but generally i do) but you've just got this ability to bring one to light
    and so I'd always have a look at your stuff.
    | Posted on 2015-04-02 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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