Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As If To Say...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: krs3332003
    Elite Ratio:    6.45 - 142/113/63
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 844



    Description:
       My grandfather always told a story about how the robins seemed to be saying "spring is here" when winter was at its end. And our feelings, like the seasons, shift and change.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs If To Say...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It’s early
    Before the rise
    A song begins

    As if to say...

    I’ve waited
    Through the cold
    Spring is here!

    Others join
    Sensing the end
    A joyous chorus

    The tall ones
    They feel it
    Warm, so warm

    As if to say...

    I’ve missed you
    Show me more
    I will blossom

    Quietly pushing
    More awaken
    We are here!

    In the air
    A scent abounds
    Alive, so alive

    As if to say...

    We will fall
    To inspire
    We are free

    Mists of grey
    Dance again
    Light & Sound!

    Just a dream
    I awaken
    To your smile

    As if to say...

    I love you

    2015 by Kelly R. Sullivan




    Submitted on 2015-04-04 09:31:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Jaycee, the structure and rhyme were flawless and absolutely gave substance and character to the piece. I thought as I was reading this in the beginning and middle how it reminded me of falling in love and was pleasantly surprised to find the conclusion right on that path. I believe sincerely in the divinity of existence and the familiarity of this, the perfect structure, the hints of intimacy and excitement all made the piece come alive in a way that only the mirror or such divinity expressed in writing can. I applaud this.
    | Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Seasons, feelings, yes! The lines: "I've missed you, show me more, I will blossom" made me jump ... that's when I started to get it. That reminded me of a meeting some ten years ago, after ten years quite lonely, which is still making my elderly times adventurous and emotionally rich!

    I love it when somebody finds their story in a poem of mine, and when I find mine in somebody's poetry especially on this website!

    I like studying verse itself, the techniques; and from that viewpoint this piece is a knowlegeable and skilful one: sound and psychology woven into fine language just like the Muses try to tell us, and a beautifully sustained figure carried through several changes like a ring of eight bells ...

    How many good poets are there in the world? Must be billions! But if you asked Google to find them all, you would get mostly advertisements for pornography because the first two letters are the same. It makes this website and the like our best bet. And what if we could search the fifty poems in all the world, up to date, that one is oneself going to love best?

    The more I think about what computers are, the more I think about what a human being is! Now I'm going to re-read your poem here to find out how come it made me think about all that stuff.

    I live in Australia where there are no robins (even though songbirds originated on this continent!) but another little bird looks just the same and has the same habits. It eats mistletoe ... the olden folk identified twenty or so seasons from their knowledge of Nature's cycles! Corelating seasonal changes with turns of personal feeling could become a whole project about your novel metaphor here!

    | Posted on 2015-05-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Kelly,
    I have read many points on spring lately and this is definitely 1 of the better ones. I like everything about this; the form and structure, the metered rhythm, you even manaded a refrained lined without it feeling forced. This is going to faves.~Jan
    | Posted on 2015-04-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200132

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Outlaw
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry