This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

As If To Say...

Author: krs3332003
Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 146 /116 /67
Words: 122
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 2481
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 859


My grandfather always told a story about how the robins seemed to be saying "spring is here" when winter was at its end. And our feelings, like the seasons, shift and change.

As If To Say...

It’s early
Before the rise
A song begins

As if to say...

I’ve waited
Through the cold
Spring is here!

Others join
Sensing the end
A joyous chorus

The tall ones
They feel it
Warm, so warm

As if to say...

I’ve missed you
Show me more
I will blossom

Quietly pushing
More awaken
We are here!

In the air
A scent abounds
Alive, so alive

As if to say...

We will fall
To inspire
We are free

Mists of grey
Dance again
Light & Sound!

Just a dream
I awaken
To your smile

As if to say...

I love you

2015 by Kelly R. Sullivan

Submitted on 2015-04-04 09:31:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I agree with Jaycee, the structure and rhyme were flawless and absolutely gave substance and character to the piece. I thought as I was reading this in the beginning and middle how it reminded me of falling in love and was pleasantly surprised to find the conclusion right on that path. I believe sincerely in the divinity of existence and the familiarity of this, the perfect structure, the hints of intimacy and excitement all made the piece come alive in a way that only the mirror or such divinity expressed in writing can. I applaud this.
| Posted on 2016-08-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Seasons, feelings, yes! The lines: "I've missed you, show me more, I will blossom" made me jump ... that's when I started to get it. That reminded me of a meeting some ten years ago, after ten years quite lonely, which is still making my elderly times adventurous and emotionally rich!

I love it when somebody finds their story in a poem of mine, and when I find mine in somebody's poetry especially on this website!

I like studying verse itself, the techniques; and from that viewpoint this piece is a knowlegeable and skilful one: sound and psychology woven into fine language just like the Muses try to tell us, and a beautifully sustained figure carried through several changes like a ring of eight bells ...

How many good poets are there in the world? Must be billions! But if you asked Google to find them all, you would get mostly advertisements for pornography because the first two letters are the same. It makes this website and the like our best bet. And what if we could search the fifty poems in all the world, up to date, that one is oneself going to love best?

The more I think about what computers are, the more I think about what a human being is! Now I'm going to re-read your poem here to find out how come it made me think about all that stuff.

I live in Australia where there are no robins (even though songbirds originated on this continent!) but another little bird looks just the same and has the same habits. It eats mistletoe ... the olden folk identified twenty or so seasons from their knowledge of Nature's cycles! Corelating seasonal changes with turns of personal feeling could become a whole project about your novel metaphor here!

| Posted on 2015-05-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
I have read many points on spring lately and this is definitely 1 of the better ones. I like everything about this; the form and structure, the metered rhythm, you even manaded a refrained lined without it feeling forced. This is going to faves.~Jan
| Posted on 2015-04-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?