[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: NaPoWriMo 2015 : 1--5 dots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 230/383/131
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1682


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNaPoWriMo 2015 : 1--5 dots

    April 1st— COMMUTE

    The river overflows
    with fog.

    Morning quickens and we stream
    across the bridge,
    going who knows where.

    Droplets scattering in the sun.

    April 2nd – WORK

    Up and down the boulevard,
    machinery waiting for spring.
    It seems they should shake dog-like
    the dew from their backs.

    A coworker skypes with his young children.
    Another listens to the radio. This is not
    such a bad life.

    April 3rd— EVENING

    A quiet apartment. Soft rain,
    softer moon. The stove
    and counters gleam like gems.

    I read old favorites
    (there is poetry in everything. That
    is the biggest argument against poetry…)

    and go to bed early.

    April 4th—WALK

    Lovely, in a gaudy way
    the 3 miles of tulip fields.
    My mother talks about
    her tulips at home, which are
    really bucket daffodils.

    It is endearing beyond words.

    April 5th—MRI

    Deep now
    in the belly of the machine,
    a needle in my arm and my ovary
    hard as an acorn.

    It is forbidden, I assume,
    to hum, but the triads
    align themselves,
    a mechanic symphony

    and despite the earplugs,
    the chill of gadolinium
    in my veins,

    I feel that I am a tine
    in a music box, that I am
    at the heart of a song.

    Submitted on 2015-04-08 17:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Magnificent work. It's so nice to read something with a sense of place and time up here. Or anywhere. I'm not going to go into detail about the poems as I don;t really feel like they need criticism to be honest, it would only be me saying why I enjoyed them. I will say that commute is one of the most beautiful pieces I've read in some time, and is the kind of writing I aspire to myself. Really cannot over-state how good these are. Take them off this site and put them in a book!
    | Posted on 2015-04-09 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      There is something of a habitual elegance in these poems, or a kind of celebrating of those small things that we do day to day that can seem insignificant, but when looked at through other eyes can become elevated.

    I think elevating the everyday is what ultimately makes lasting poetry. Taking those things we see on every walk, on every drive and making them the stuff of memory and something to hold, to observe. To celebrate in a quiet way.

    Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, to take something difficult and make it soothing or beautiful. The two poems in this lot that I think I'll remember longest are the tulip poem and the MRI poem.

    I like the sense of a soul and also a bond expressed in te tulip poem. It expresses something of the individual and how we respond to the individual depending on our relationship. I like the simplicity and also how the speaker knows that what the mother calls tulips are not tulips, but she does not correct her, just feels a kind of warmth at the notion and spirit of the person. What the flowers mean to her. It's lovely.

    And the MRI poem, I find I really admire this because it kind of inverts the expectations created by the title. This being a traditionally stressful experience b/c of the circumstances and the possibilities. But instead of that we are presented with a kind of harmony, a kind of peace that seems to have no place there. I think it's excellent. Each word laddering up to that place where I find myself smiling rather than feeling the anxiety I expected.

    I really enjoyed this series as a whole.
    | Posted on 2015-04-08 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Love written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]