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    dots Submission Name: NaPoWriMo 2015 : 6--10dots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 298
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2200


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNaPoWriMo 2015 : 6--10dots

    April 6th—REGRET

    He has buried his wife
    and only child,
    many years past. In the mornings
    I fetched coffee and he said, “I should have
    died. I want to die.”

    What to say? “I'm sorry,” or
    “I understand.” Perhaps just,

    Anything but “oh—!”,
    the ugly, brainless honk of it,
    like a startled goose.

    April 7th—ANIMAL

    A dog ululates with joy
    and a dog brings a ball and
    a dog presses her face
    against my thigh.

    Three dogs, three loves.
    Francis had the right idea.

    April 8th—MEMORY

    Everything on the cusp of rain,
    all day long.

    From the window, the red smoke tree
    the quaking aspens
    the heather and rosemary
    seem like an old story.

    Even as the cat, senile,
    yowls for dinner
    again, it's only
    some soft memory, half-lost

    I am fogged as old glass.
    The cat yowled and yowls, the rain
    has always hesitated, forever.
    One subdued August evening
    eternal, from first atom to last.

    The stunning irreality of reality.

    I move through the house as a dream
    of myself. Silent,
    simple. The hillside, the cat,
    the rain, myself

    moving forward into infinity.

    April 9th—PRIORITIES

    News comes: they will bore
    three holes into me, and
    with the exactness of a chef
    trim out the unwanted meat.

    Possibly they will pluck away
    an ovary, like a grape.

    But all I can think is, ah,
    how annoying.
    The paperwork
    will pile up
    so quickly.

    April 10th—

    A common theme
    in the dream diary—hiding
    crouched in the tall grass,
    like a hunted mouse.

    Perhaps I am frozen.
    Perhaps I am desperate.
    Perhaps the grass grows
    shorter with each day.

    Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:07:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I have to admit I got some morbid humour out of PRIORITIES, what with this:

    'But all I can think is, ah,
    how annoying.
    The paperwork
    will pile up
    so quickly.'

    I feel the same way whenever I have anything medical to be done. Yes, it is important for my general well-being, but honestly, I could do without a lot of it. There's way more red tape and dead trees than there needs to be.

    And, the first piece, REGRET...I regret being the goose, saying 'oh!' and then nothing. Perhaps my dream has become reality, and I'm more bird than human. Sometimes I wonder.

    | Posted on 2015-05-20 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Re punctuationdevices etc, I like that your poems are easy to understand, then you can just enjoy them.

    I like best the hillside the cat and me bit, moving forward into infinity. I think that's exactly how it is, you take forward realities, and that's a nice way of putting it.

    ...the honk of the goose,
    this was awesomeness.

    The last one, i like the grows shorter aspect in relation to the phrase- the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence... subconscious, or pertinent v something desired
    (and or pertinent)

    the grass GROWS shorter is excellent. A wonderful contrast, full of implications.

    And- like the other set, all of these are good.
    | Posted on 2015-04-13 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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