Without You

Author: BlazeFlamme ASL Info:    22/m/TX Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23 /161 /138 Words: 117

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1578 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 813

Description:

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Without You

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Without You It’s been eight years now And feels nothing has changed Certainly not how I feel Certainly not the pain And I know I’ve been wronged Countless times before But it was me who let go Of what I so adored I still think about you Just about every day I won’t lose the memories They won’t fade away Sometimes I hear a song That brings you to mind But my dreams are the real weight More often I find And I remember thinking When we fell apart You’ll haunt me forever From inside my heart I may have been right, But without you, I’d rather live with ghosts.

Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:19:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I agree with Carousel. The last line sounds rhythmically anticlimatic. Try following it with another shorter line in the vein of the previous quatrains.

| Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MadGeologist | [ Reply to This ]

That last line. It bucked me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the beginning and the thumping weight of the middle, but that last line feels all wrong. -Carrie

| Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]

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