Without You by BlazeFlamme

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Without You dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	BlazeFlamme
ASL Info:	22/m/TX
Elite Ratio:	1.82 - 23/159/137
Words:	117

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	770
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	783

Description:

Without You dots

-------------------------------------------

Without You

It’s been eight years now
And feels nothing has changed
Certainly not how I feel
Certainly not the pain

And I know I’ve been wronged
Countless times before
But it was me who let go
Of what I so adored

I still think about you
Just about every day
I won’t lose the memories
They won’t fade away

Sometimes I hear a song
That brings you to mind
But my dreams are the real weight
More often I find

And I remember thinking
When we fell apart
You’ll haunt me forever
From inside my heart

I may have been right,
But without you,
I’d rather live with ghosts.

Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:19:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I agree with Carousel. The last line sounds rhythmically anticlimatic. Try following it with another shorter line in the vein of the previous quatrains.
| Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MadGeologist | [ Reply to This ]
That last line. It bucked me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the beginning and the thumping weight of the middle, but that last line feels all wrong.

-Carrie
| Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

200150

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Hyle written by endlessgame23
going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
untitled written by Outlaw
The Want written by Daniel Barlow
FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
Starseed written by endlessgame23
Deep written by Janesaddiction
Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
Mystery Read written by kyserin
None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
(Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
In a Corner written by jeniecel
Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
Across the bed written by expiring_touch
Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
Keep written by TheStillSilence
Dream written by closetpoet
Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
Day 5 written by TheStillSilence

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.