Without You by BlazeFlamme

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Submission Name: Without You dots

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Author:	BlazeFlamme
ASL Info:	22/m/TX
Elite Ratio:	1.81 - 23/160/138
Words:	117

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	867
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	783

Description:

Without You dots

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Without You

It’s been eight years now
And feels nothing has changed
Certainly not how I feel
Certainly not the pain

And I know I’ve been wronged
Countless times before
But it was me who let go
Of what I so adored

I still think about you
Just about every day
I won’t lose the memories
They won’t fade away

Sometimes I hear a song
That brings you to mind
But my dreams are the real weight
More often I find

And I remember thinking
When we fell apart
You’ll haunt me forever
From inside my heart

I may have been right,
But without you,
I’d rather live with ghosts.

Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:19:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
I agree with Carousel. The last line sounds rhythmically anticlimatic. Try following it with another shorter line in the vein of the previous quatrains.
| Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MadGeologist | [ Reply to This ]
That last line. It bucked me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the beginning and the thumping weight of the middle, but that last line feels all wrong.

-Carrie
| Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.