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Without You


Author: BlazeFlamme
ASL Info:    22/m/TX
Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23 /161 /138
Words: 117
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1578
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 813



Description:




Without You



Without You

It’s been eight years now
And feels nothing has changed
Certainly not how I feel
Certainly not the pain

And I know I’ve been wronged
Countless times before
But it was me who let go
Of what I so adored

I still think about you
Just about every day
I won’t lose the memories
They won’t fade away

Sometimes I hear a song
That brings you to mind
But my dreams are the real weight
More often I find

And I remember thinking
When we fell apart
You’ll haunt me forever
From inside my heart

I may have been right,
But without you,
I’d rather live with ghosts.




Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:19:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I agree with Carousel. The last line sounds rhythmically anticlimatic. Try following it with another shorter line in the vein of the previous quatrains.
| Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MadGeologist | [ Reply to This ]
  That last line. It bucked me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the beginning and the thumping weight of the middle, but that last line feels all wrong.

-Carrie
| Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]


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