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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Without Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithout Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Without You

    It’s been eight years now
    And feels nothing has changed
    Certainly not how I feel
    Certainly not the pain

    And I know I’ve been wronged
    Countless times before
    But it was me who let go
    Of what I so adored

    I still think about you
    Just about every day
    I won’t lose the memories
    They won’t fade away

    Sometimes I hear a song
    That brings you to mind
    But my dreams are the real weight
    More often I find

    And I remember thinking
    When we fell apart
    You’ll haunt me forever
    From inside my heart

    I may have been right,
    But without you,
    I’d rather live with ghosts.




    Submitted on 2015-04-11 00:19:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Carousel. The last line sounds rhythmically anticlimatic. Try following it with another shorter line in the vein of the previous quatrains.
    | Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MadGeologist | [ Reply to This ]
      That last line. It bucked me. I enjoyed the simplicity of the beginning and the thumping weight of the middle, but that last line feels all wrong.

    -Carrie
    | Posted on 2015-04-12 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]


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