Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wilted Sunsetsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ShadowParadox
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 23/66/34
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1387



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWilted Sunsetsdots
    -------------------------------------------





    "A Healing Hope"
    ~
    My eyes opened to a new day
    No more voices bleeding from the inside
    My breath is folded in an index
    Pearl rib cages expand
    As I exhale and inhale

    The brocade sky
    is a jewel of wonderment today

    I feel in my heart a glimmer of hope

    As honeycomb flowers blossom
    Swaying in the warm breeze

    The sickness has spilled into my veins
    Once more...
    But I won't lose hope
    For somewhere within my depth
    There is strength

    Shadows dipped in ink
    pour into the four corners of my room
    I'm buried in silence
    As the evening is veiled in fiery colors

    A wilted sunset is smudged
    On the horizon of my mind
    Pressing dreams onto my amber pupils

    The sun blazes into a daze
    Melting itself into the starlit sky
    Setting into the galaxy glass
    Morphing into a sunshine rose

    There is always a setting
    to the rising sun
    I wish the same for my health




    Submitted on 2015-04-14 05:25:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I know you are creating a book so a nit pick. "pours into the four corners of my room" should be "pour into …..
    Either that or change "Shadows" to 'A shadow'

    Bruce

    PS: You do this kind of thing a lot. If you want tell me and I'll go through your other writes you've shared here and make suggestions for correction. Your publisher will probably insist on such changes.
    | Posted on 2015-04-14 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200160

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Cover written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry