Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Loving Yourself is a Startdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 207/276/227
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 486
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1702



    Description:
       Some weird feminist blah that came out when I faced a blank page. I don't know what i'm writing. Ugh. I need to ponder more before letting myself spill onto a canvas for all to read.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoving Yourself is a Startdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Up late chasing dawn to see the day break
    up late chasing down the root of heartache
    mind is missing all those pills they shoveled
    down my throat like tiny pebbles
    big ripples in this well of souls
    skipping stones to watch skip like outtakes
    losing sleep like a sweepstakes
    cold called a friend for friendship's sake
    still weigh the toll of being simply tolerated
    they're stacking cake on cake and instagram it
    banded bills and heavy hearts demand it
    reel in bitches like they planned
    and argue, sure, but I have to hand it
    they built an empire out of pleasurable things
    sold daughters down the river like
    they didn't mean anything
    weren't even worth the diamond ring
    couldn't even be called a fling
    just cheap sex and smokey rooms
    mirrored lines and strong perfume
    mascara runs and high heel shoes
    worth more respect
    so take it true, remove yourself
    stop chasing paper to abuse yourself
    stop letting people use you up
    and set you on the shelf to shatter
    old toys in the attic,
    I'll go get the ladder
    pull you down like decorations
    set you up proud,
    less tormented than an ornament
    more than just a pretty thing
    you're that sentimental star
    don't fall for the fast car
    don't give a hole in one
    raise the par
    people accept the love they think they deserve
    so own yourself, flaunt all those curves
    hold back enough so you've got a reserve
    give your body boldly
    not insecure




    Submitted on 2015-04-15 05:35:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this was really bold, I liked the rhymes, they were obvious like the messages you were conveying, everything that was said should be common sense, I liked the observation portions best, your way of describing was more powerful to me than when you go into speaking to a particular audience. Overall this was a very good read, different than most subject and keeping consistent with a unique voice.
    | Posted on 2015-04-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm torn on this one. I see a lot of potential, but you chose some rhymes that were too obvious and cliché. My advice is to pull out what felt like it came too easy.

    I don't mean to be harsh or be mean, it's just my opinion.

    -Carrie.
    | Posted on 2015-04-17 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200165

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love and the Heart in a Super Collider written by Daniel Barlow
    My Acid Trip written by eggshells
    Swoon (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    7 Autumn evening Haikus written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blue written by phil askew
    Tender Bites written by Chelebel
    The Docile and the Damned written by Passionbyapathy
    Labor Power written by NoMartyr
    I'm a Premadonna written by Chelebel
    . written by Chelebel
    💯 written by Chelebel
    Absurd written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Goodnight Prayer written by annie0888
    Yasogirl712 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Promises written by phil askew
    Self written by jackz
    Sea Dream written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Orbit written by Chelebel
    Style written by rev.jpfadeproof
    the daily supernatural written by annie0888
    untitled written by kurtdubowskidep
    I didn't Fall in Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pinecone (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Midwinter Madness written by Passionbyapathy
    Life without fear written by Ramneet
    Waning Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Faults All written by poetotoe
    The Light in this Room written by lori_tab
    Confide written by Namlooc20
    The Night Sky written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry