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Philosophy of The Anthophila Flower


Author: ShadowParadox
Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 25 /68 /35
Words: 245
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1576
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1876



Description:


This was very difficult to write, the message is: Be comfortable in your skin, no one can be you. Hope you enjoy.


Philosophy of The Anthophila Flower




~
I'm embedded in a honeycomb dream
Where golden bees with shiny onyx stripes,
buzz and vibrate

“Take me away”

I cry
But their TV eyes only reflect my sorrows
I'm burning in a flaming photosynthesis
Sucked into the ashes of unknowing

A metal proboscis stabs thru my head
They are killing the old me
Injecting new languages into my being
As carbon butterflies the color of life,
drink hope from my flower heart

I'm dressed in a pollen wedding dress
While sea green wings flap around me
My life is dedicated to nurture those that need me

I am an insect hive

I bloom in spring to swallow summer
Winter can't touch me
My palace is the Indigo Forest

You dare not pluck me
For my stem is a stinger
I belong here in the honey dirt
Blossoming and stretching my sheer webbed petals
Diamond sugar drips from my tip

Thick and sweet

No human tongue can taste
For its poison
You can look but you can't touch

The rare kiss of an Autumn bird with fiery wings
Will change me into a beautiful human
But the honey inside my skin will be toxin
My presents will sting like smoke

The rain shall transform me back
Where I belong

-For false skin is like makeup
that can be easily washed off.-
~




Submitted on 2015-04-21 05:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I think there are some quite stunning parts in this poem and I really enjoy the underlying message you're expressing. I've read many of your poems and I always love the imaginative vision you incorporate into them. You've created a world through your words.

My one critique would be that I would think carefully about adjective use. I would let one word do the job of two, of sometimes maybe leave off the adjectives altogether. When I first began writing a few years ago I used a lot of adjectives in an effort to achieve a mood, or this is what I was aiming to do. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with a group of poets who offered really honest critique and helped to get down to the essence of what I wanted to express. I guess I'm just trying to say, this is something I relate to and would like to pass on good advice I've received.

I'm just going to take a stanza from above and show you what I mean and also point out a couple of grammar points:

The rare kiss of an Autumn bird with fiery wings -[like here, I think you could say either Autumn bird or a bird with fiery wings and the one image would have a more subtle or delicate effect]
Will change me into a beautiful human
But the honey inside my skin will be toxin -[I'm not sure if you meant 'toxic' or 'toxin' if you are using 'toxin' I would add an a like 'a toxin']
My presents will sting like smoke -[here I'm wondering if you meant 'presence' as in being there bodily]

So then it would be something like:

The rare kiss of a bird with fiery wings
Will change me into a beautiful human
But the honey inside my skin will be toxic
My presence will sting like smoke

I really enjoy the mood you create in your writing.
| Posted on 2015-04-22 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


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