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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: S.O.S.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 685
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 586
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1341



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsS.O.S.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    D o u b t
    Hasachokehold
    And I am going
    D
    O
    W
    N

    Under. WaVeS
    the
    Into the pools of
    Nothingness




    My MOUNTAIN is now
    The rock I hold
    His weight...oo
    oo
    Oo
    O
    Anchors me

    I am not sure I can Surface this time
    I barely have EnerGy for
    one
    How do I swim for two
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    So we are STuCK

    Head
    Under
    ~~~~~~~
    H2O
    For the next 18 m o n t h s

    . -- .


    This is my S.O.S




    Submitted on 2015-04-23 20:20:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm ignoring the comments below. The question of drowning together or making the choice of saving yourself is a tough one especially when love is concerned. I question sometimes whether love - in fiction with happy endings - is real. Then I see regular people like you who are willing to sacrifice their lives and go through tremendous pain and suffering for another person and it makes me believe again :) May the force be with you, hehe.
    | Posted on 2015-05-28 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Physical therapy after orthopedic surgery can seem interminable. I remember when latentlylyrical fractured her knee cap I stuck with her for several months while she was in rehab, constantly reminding her to do her exercises and the like with admonishments about how her future flexibility and dexterity depended on it. It eventually healed like 85+% usage but it was a rough road to hoe for almost a year. I know it's tough but stick with him and keep him on it. He will appreciate it for life.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2015-05-07 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the way you've chosen to format this works doubly. In some areas I think it emphasizes the difficulty being addressed where at other times it works to lighten it all.

    Perhaps this is like how we respond to hardship vs. how those outside the immediate circle respond. Like when it's pressing down on us there's very little we can do, as your poem well-expresses, but even those who care for us deeply cannot enter into the personal nature of the hardship.

    I don't know, I like the way it works in those two ways to demonstrate the feeling of being drowned by experience -or perhaps the fear/anxiety/anticipation of the experience. But also offers this other side, as Phil expressed. Like its kind of playful.

    It's an interesting endeavor, I like how it came together.
    | Posted on 2015-05-04 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes I guess my question is the significance of 18 months...you dont have to answer of course I can be at peace with this regardless, I enjoyed it, though the subject was a bit sad this time, I hope things are okay.
    | Posted on 2015-04-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Janet – I kinda like the way you’ve set this up, with all of the formatting and emphasis on certain words and phrases. I guess we’ve all felt overwhelmed by life at times and have wanted to call for help. Not much to say about it, except that it was enjoyable, playful, a bit sad, and yet compelling.
    Notes – You have personified “Doubt” with “Hasachokehold.” I think you need a different type of action to coordinate with “going” “under waves.” Like “Hasdraggedmeoverboard” or some such.
    “Surface this time,” so there was another time. Then don’t you need to “re-Surface?”
    “18 months” No clue why this amount of time. Why not say something like “And holding our breath?”
    Again, enjoyed it. Found it to be fun, even though the subject was a serious one.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2015-04-24 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]


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