Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: August: Too Much for Twodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1243



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugust: Too Much for Twodots
    -------------------------------------------


    A sheet overlay their owl's cage; the tub filling a room away.
    Bodies stripping, they dip, then fold
    The owl cooed "Who?"
    You do, too.

    The palms of his hands press flat against her ears; elfin and small, inward and all - his heart thuds, pulse skipping like stones tapping the lakes that are her ear drums. Fingers cup, flexing with thin ligaments; cold, they chill her skin, caress pronounced cheek-bones and oh so slow, his lips find the crest ensued by furrowed brows and his breath coats closed eyes in a warmth that'd lacked before.
    Her neck cranes backward and jaw gapes, inhaling a sharp breath as his fingers spread the lids that she'd shut so not to see him.
    Below the water her voice roars, while otherwise, hushed and under breath; wisps that sweep no more - rather, suds and duds of water spiral to the surface and rift, just as the knuckles she'd strained around his wrists.

    They unbind and a man's wet steps resonate sopping thrums in the form of patterns; almost as though the hallway hums.

    The sheet slips into a bundle
    Bunched at one of their feet
    And he smiles and says
    "Nobody."




    Submitted on 2015-04-24 22:06:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What?

    Wow, I'm confused. My mental picture warped as it went on. Am I to think that she was drowned by him? 'Below the water her voice roars...wisps that sweep no more' and then it's only his steps that are heard. Also, the 'nobody' at the end, along with 'one of their feet', that too adds to my thought.

    Or...does her voice roar below the water because his hands are cupped over her ears, creating the 'lake that are her ear drums'? Gahhhh...such sweet mental torture you've given me.

    I love you.

    -Ruqyo
    | Posted on 2015-05-20 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200193

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry