Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: August: Too Much for Twodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1243



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugust: Too Much for Twodots
    -------------------------------------------


    A sheet overlay their owl's cage; the tub filling a room away.
    Bodies stripping, they dip, then fold
    The owl cooed "Who?"
    You do, too.

    The palms of his hands press flat against her ears; elfin and small, inward and all - his heart thuds, pulse skipping like stones tapping the lakes that are her ear drums. Fingers cup, flexing with thin ligaments; cold, they chill her skin, caress pronounced cheek-bones and oh so slow, his lips find the crest ensued by furrowed brows and his breath coats closed eyes in a warmth that'd lacked before.
    Her neck cranes backward and jaw gapes, inhaling a sharp breath as his fingers spread the lids that she'd shut so not to see him.
    Below the water her voice roars, while otherwise, hushed and under breath; wisps that sweep no more - rather, suds and duds of water spiral to the surface and rift, just as the knuckles she'd strained around his wrists.

    They unbind and a man's wet steps resonate sopping thrums in the form of patterns; almost as though the hallway hums.

    The sheet slips into a bundle
    Bunched at one of their feet
    And he smiles and says
    "Nobody."




    Submitted on 2015-04-24 22:06:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What?

    Wow, I'm confused. My mental picture warped as it went on. Am I to think that she was drowned by him? 'Below the water her voice roars...wisps that sweep no more' and then it's only his steps that are heard. Also, the 'nobody' at the end, along with 'one of their feet', that too adds to my thought.

    Or...does her voice roar below the water because his hands are cupped over her ears, creating the 'lake that are her ear drums'? Gahhhh...such sweet mental torture you've given me.

    I love you.

    -Ruqyo
    | Posted on 2015-05-20 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200193

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry