Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Growing up "normal"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/What is
    Total Views: 520
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1600



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrowing up "normal"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    growing up...

    there was always that one problem,
    that problem of trying to fit in,
    to be the "cool kid"...

    to be the kid that had it all,
    the one on top who could never fall...

    every day it was something new,
    a fad that was a race,
    a race that for kids like me became a chase,
    a chase to fit in...

    I have always loved long hair..

    but in my desperation,
    I cut it to try and fit in.. to be.. "cool"...

    you always had to have style,
    but instead of style my mother got the dial...

    the call that said your son is a problem,
    for in my act of desperation,
    to seek the fad of fitting in,
    I lashed out against the other kids!

    for what was in for me,
    was just a mockery!
    Ridiculed by names,
    names such as loser or poser...

    all because i wanted to be a part of the crowd,
    because I just couldn't say it out loud!

    what I wanted to say..
    Is what I say today...

    Fad is just a claim to media's definition...
    Definition of acceptable...
    Of beauty...
    to be... "normal"...

    but what is "normal" if not ourselves?!
    What I call normal isn't normal to you,
    so why should anything be "normal" to kids?
    If anything the only thing that truly is "normal"...

    Is the process of "growing up"....




    Submitted on 2015-04-30 00:43:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds raw and sloppy and as gloriously off-key as a cry for understanding from the gut (and not the intellect). Refining this write would make as much sense as polishing a chalk drawing for a public viewing. If you choose to tweak any part of this post, I'd suggest that you do so judiciously. A major overhaul would be a mistake but a minor adjustment here or there would be fine.

    Just my thoughts.
    | Posted on 2015-05-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Your feedback requirement was unspecified so commenting accordingly

    "the call that said your son is a problem,
    for in my act of desperation,
    to seek the fad of fitting in,
    I lashed out against the other kids!

    for what was in for me,
    was just a mockery!
    Ridiculed by names,
    names such as loser or poser..."

    Those two paras had more interesting lines than the rest of the poem combined.
    a. I recommend you stop rhyming poems as you will later realize that a poem can good without stringent rhyme constraints.
    b. If it does not rhyme in itself, don't force it.
    c. I see how you like to take a walkthrough from the beginning...try leaving pause entries in between
    e.g.
    I cut it to try and fit in.. to be.. "cool"..

    can be rephrased like (not exactly but something like)

    kill my happiness to be one of them,
    To fit in, I cut it.
    To be just like them...the so called cool...

    Hope you find my points useful
    | Posted on 2015-05-01 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Indeed what is normal? We are all, each and every one of us anomalies. We are individuals not social contiguities. Young people should find themselves first and not worry so much about high-school madness. Take it from an oldie we outgrow high-school with new horizons in fact. It's not the end all it seems at the time.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2015-04-30 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200209

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry