Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Growing up "normal"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/What is
    Total Views: 439
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1600



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrowing up "normal"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    growing up...

    there was always that one problem,
    that problem of trying to fit in,
    to be the "cool kid"...

    to be the kid that had it all,
    the one on top who could never fall...

    every day it was something new,
    a fad that was a race,
    a race that for kids like me became a chase,
    a chase to fit in...

    I have always loved long hair..

    but in my desperation,
    I cut it to try and fit in.. to be.. "cool"...

    you always had to have style,
    but instead of style my mother got the dial...

    the call that said your son is a problem,
    for in my act of desperation,
    to seek the fad of fitting in,
    I lashed out against the other kids!

    for what was in for me,
    was just a mockery!
    Ridiculed by names,
    names such as loser or poser...

    all because i wanted to be a part of the crowd,
    because I just couldn't say it out loud!

    what I wanted to say..
    Is what I say today...

    Fad is just a claim to media's definition...
    Definition of acceptable...
    Of beauty...
    to be... "normal"...

    but what is "normal" if not ourselves?!
    What I call normal isn't normal to you,
    so why should anything be "normal" to kids?
    If anything the only thing that truly is "normal"...

    Is the process of "growing up"....




    Submitted on 2015-04-30 00:43:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds raw and sloppy and as gloriously off-key as a cry for understanding from the gut (and not the intellect). Refining this write would make as much sense as polishing a chalk drawing for a public viewing. If you choose to tweak any part of this post, I'd suggest that you do so judiciously. A major overhaul would be a mistake but a minor adjustment here or there would be fine.

    Just my thoughts.
    | Posted on 2015-05-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Your feedback requirement was unspecified so commenting accordingly

    "the call that said your son is a problem,
    for in my act of desperation,
    to seek the fad of fitting in,
    I lashed out against the other kids!

    for what was in for me,
    was just a mockery!
    Ridiculed by names,
    names such as loser or poser..."

    Those two paras had more interesting lines than the rest of the poem combined.
    a. I recommend you stop rhyming poems as you will later realize that a poem can good without stringent rhyme constraints.
    b. If it does not rhyme in itself, don't force it.
    c. I see how you like to take a walkthrough from the beginning...try leaving pause entries in between
    e.g.
    I cut it to try and fit in.. to be.. "cool"..

    can be rephrased like (not exactly but something like)

    kill my happiness to be one of them,
    To fit in, I cut it.
    To be just like them...the so called cool...

    Hope you find my points useful
    | Posted on 2015-05-01 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Indeed what is normal? We are all, each and every one of us anomalies. We are individuals not social contiguities. Young people should find themselves first and not worry so much about high-school madness. Take it from an oldie we outgrow high-school with new horizons in fact. It's not the end all it seems at the time.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2015-04-30 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200209

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry