You must be The Medusa! Looking into your eyes
Iâ€™m sure the onlookers will be turned to stone forever
No, you must be a warden! Gazing at you
There's no chance of fleeing, they will be locked in forever
God must have shown the patience to create your skins and face
Then he covers the bone with flesh and put an amazing soul in there
You donâ€™t know how much I love the night,
Walking alone in the darkness, listening to the Nightingale
The Last gloomy night I could not find any of them singing
You must have stolen their sweet voice
Your lips are just like the petals of red rose and your prongs are shinning pearls,
They make your smile more attractive in the planet
And I can just stare your smile all day long, my dearâ€¦
Dear dry leaf please do me a favor,
Carry this letter to her
Tell her that she is the most gorgeous girl Iâ€™ve ever seen in my life
And I love her the mostâ€¦
| Thanks for your precious time and comment dude. You are talking about forgiveness, but there is nothing to forgive bro, Iâ€™m really glad you liked it, and also I changed the line as you suggested. Again, thanks for your feelings and itâ€™s appreciated. I wrote it for my imaginary girlfriend, and I gave her a metaphoric name â€œMeghkonnaâ€. Megh = cloud and Konna = girl. Ha haâ€¦. Have a nice dayâ€¦||| Posted on 2015-05-18 00:00:00 | by Thenocturnal | [ Reply to This ] || My close friend has a thing for Skyrim, so when I read that fourth verse I rushed to introduce the poem to her. She did fancy it, might I say.|
I adore this poem, though I do suggest changing the "stoned forever" to something more elaborate such as "turned to stone" or something along those lines. It might just be me, but I thought of getting high.
...Yeah, it's probably just me.
I don't feel the necessity of critiquing anything further; its simplicity suits the theme, and its overall message. This might just be perfect to dedicate to a lover, or a girl in a boy's English Lit. class - Cough, cough.
I might be too sweet on some writers, but...please forgive me for seeing practically nothing wrong, at least in terms of grammar, style, rhythm, etc.
|| Posted on 2015-05-11 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ] |