Whisper dirty secrets in my ear
Lets pretend there's no one here
make me clutch the sheets
Dont stop until I scream
Love me harder
all the way
and dont stop until I say...
Is this supposed to be a time-line?
I supposed so, as I read, because it just randomly skipped from being set in public to being set in private; as I assume the sheets are placed on the bed + located in a bed-room.
Didn't like how short it was, felt like a message meant to be sent through SMS/IMming.
Try a little more vocab and some punctuation.