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    dots Submission Name: Nocturnesdots

    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 288/229/264
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Prose/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651

       named after the symphony since it was what was carrying me to sleep as i wrote this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    A step outside and I could breathe
    Had my nostrils not been plugged
    By the sweet irony of loving oneself, but not wanting
    And yet we cherish these moments
    When we're doubled over sticking fingers down our throats
    To rid of the bloating in our stomachs
    and voices in our heads
    Because we're too nauseous to tell them to stop.
    And the red paint coats my carpet
    Drenched beyond evaporation or dry
    A crisp layer hardening the top of it
    But a smooth, gel center where we print our feet
    And walk with deaf ears to the sound of wet stammers against tiled floors.

    Submitted on 2015-05-21 16:06:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I like that this isn't the sort of poem you're likely to read everywhere , it's very unique. I like that you carried the metaphor through . Hardened on the outside, soft in the middle, sounds a bit like us..... people.

    And while as far as the imagery goes that was probably a bit too much information, it's cool that there's that avenue, a place with which to reflect.

    I like the sharpness of the first line.... a step outside... non navel gazing. You return to it because the lines that follow it go on to make the point. So, I very much like that aspect of the poem too. The whole demented whorl of feeling or being is a road taken because of a road not taken. That's complex, sweet, and easy to miss.

    | Posted on 2015-06-17 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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