Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nocturnesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyPeriodical
    ASL Info:    18/m/pr
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 303/229/267
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Prose/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 969
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651



    Description:
       named after the symphony since it was what was carrying me to sleep as i wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNocturnesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A step outside and I could breathe
    Had my nostrils not been plugged
    By the sweet irony of loving oneself, but not wanting
    And yet we cherish these moments
    When we're doubled over sticking fingers down our throats
    To rid of the bloating in our stomachs
    and voices in our heads
    Because we're too nauseous to tell them to stop.
    And the red paint coats my carpet
    Drenched beyond evaporation or dry
    A crisp layer hardening the top of it
    But a smooth, gel center where we print our feet
    And walk with deaf ears to the sound of wet stammers against tiled floors.




    Submitted on 2015-05-21 16:06:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I like that this isn't the sort of poem you're likely to read everywhere , it's very unique. I like that you carried the metaphor through . Hardened on the outside, soft in the middle, sounds a bit like us..... people.

    And while as far as the imagery goes that was probably a bit too much information, it's cool that there's that avenue, a place with which to reflect.

    I like the sharpness of the first line.... a step outside... non navel gazing. You return to it because the lines that follow it go on to make the point. So, I very much like that aspect of the poem too. The whole demented whorl of feeling or being is a road taken because of a road not taken. That's complex, sweet, and easy to miss.

    | Posted on 2015-06-17 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200268

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Genesis written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry