[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Skinny dippingdots

    Author: etheror
    Elite Ratio:    6.32 - 226/272/113
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1722


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSkinny dippingdots

    High school nights, it seems.

    Exhibit A:

    We run wild and quiet,
    kicking sand up behind us.
    The park closed three hours ago,
    but we break this rule like we're
    passing notes in class.

    Hushed giggles:
    we're fourteen again,
    abandoning shoes and shorts
    on the beach, playing chicken
    with the weather--it's still
    too cold for any sane adult person,
    but I double-dog-dared her,
    so here we are.

    Quiet, until we're waist-deep,
    then a shriek.


    Warm beers in hand, we float,
    look at the sky, gossip. Talk
    about boys and broken hearts.

    We've spent a lifetime
    in these waters, pacts made
    over stale Rainiers and under
    these stars, burning brighter
    the further from land we go.


    Imagination run wild, the lake
    is still, flowing around us like silk:
    a fish tail, a ball gown. The mansions,
    ghostly, shroud us on all sides,
    and we imagine we're rich.
    Cinderella mermaids
    smoking a bowl in the garden
    while the others dance inside.
    Princes are such a bore.

    She said Bill Gates
    once paid her
    ten thousand dollars
    for party favors,
    and I ooh and ahh,
    imagining what it would be like.
    Extravagance. Plenty.



    sunburnt, the smell of aloe,
    mother's hands soothing
    fragile skin. Falling asleep
    with the ocean rushing
    within your calves.

    Submitted on 2015-05-30 01:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As I inch inexorably closer to middle age, this came alive for me. I particularly enjoyed how you used simple language in parts, and then dropped into more expansive, stream-of-consciousness descriptions.

    I am running with you into the park, enjoying with complete abandon the freedom of friendship that has seen itself through many bumps and strains.

    If I only had one tiny criticism, and it really is a nit-pick, it would be the use of "person" after "adult." On the first read, it felt unnatural to the flow of the rest of it.

    Thanks for the read!

    | Posted on 2016-01-25 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]
      disclaimer: it's just me. apologies in advance. (insert smile here).

    i enjoy your snapshot slices of life. really!

    i find it's important to stay free and do the silly things that you think you're to old to do, but do them anyway. there is nothing better than finding moments that make ya feel 14; or whatever age that you actually are not, really.

    ha! sometimes for me, (actually every time), if i am hanging at a friend's garage smoking dope, i feel 16, always.

    i like the breakdown here. it's like getting to see bits and parts of a relationship that has been around for awhile. the kind that no matter what, no matter where, there are no expectations of how or who you are supposed to be. you just are.

    this feels like it's home. a going back and finding contentment in the familiar but with an older perspective.

    anyway, as i've said before, always enjoy what ya have to say.
    | Posted on 2015-05-31 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Carry written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]