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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 1990 Uniformdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kael Fenshir
    ASL Info:    26 / M / That weird place
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 17/57/52
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Rant/Misc
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 267



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots1990 Uniformdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I carved you an entrance to the only spot on the tree
    The back alley garden springs forth from the mind
    And the only conscience we can parry is the one you own
    For nothing else but our lives can we mistaken so easily
    The lives that we sow.




    Submitted on 2015-06-05 01:51:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Feels a bit like breadcrumbs leading to a larger opening in the consciousness. Like memories held between two people and the way those things never match up. And history. How it impacts not only us, but those around us also. Almost like a relationship where one person is solipsistic and the other a little more focused on what's happening outside. Really intriguing poem- from the title on down.
    | Posted on 2015-07-04 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]
      This was incredibly original. I also really like gardens and planting for metaphors. I felt a personal connection to the piece. I enjoyed the allusion to self sacrifice in the first line, giving the only thing there is to give, opening up the only piece. A hint at vulnerability which is so powerful in a spiritual sense. Very Nic piece.

    Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-07-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Everything written has a beautiful play- I would only make a few mild suggestions.

    "And the only (conscience) we can parry is the one you own
    For nothing else but our lives (we have) mistaken so easily
    The lives that we sow."
    Not sure if you meant Sew/Sow- only doubting since it's such a common thing. Either way, really, doesn't matter. The piece is...so darling.
    | Posted on 2015-06-05 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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