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1990 Uniform


Author: Kael Fenshir
ASL Info:    26 / M / That weird place
Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 17 /57 /52
Words: 49
Class/Type: Rant /Misc
Total Views: 1209
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 267



Description:




1990 Uniform



I carved you an entrance to the only spot on the tree
The back alley garden springs forth from the mind
And the only conscience we can parry is the one you own
For nothing else but our lives can we mistaken so easily
The lives that we sow.




Submitted on 2015-06-05 01:51:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Feels a bit like breadcrumbs leading to a larger opening in the consciousness. Like memories held between two people and the way those things never match up. And history. How it impacts not only us, but those around us also. Almost like a relationship where one person is solipsistic and the other a little more focused on what's happening outside. Really intriguing poem- from the title on down.
| Posted on 2015-07-04 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]
  This was incredibly original. I also really like gardens and planting for metaphors. I felt a personal connection to the piece. I enjoyed the allusion to self sacrifice in the first line, giving the only thing there is to give, opening up the only piece. A hint at vulnerability which is so powerful in a spiritual sense. Very Nic piece.

Thank you for sharing.
| Posted on 2015-07-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Everything written has a beautiful play- I would only make a few mild suggestions.

"And the only (conscience) we can parry is the one you own
For nothing else but our lives (we have) mistaken so easily
The lives that we sow."
Not sure if you meant Sew/Sow- only doubting since it's such a common thing. Either way, really, doesn't matter. The piece is...so darling.
| Posted on 2015-06-05 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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