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    dots Submission Name: paintdots

    Author: AsiaticFox
    ASL Info:    28/M/A butterfly's dream
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 254/389/301
    Words: 15
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 93


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    Scraping the old paint
    off the timbers of the deck
    - hands cramped, mind vacant

    Submitted on 2015-06-06 14:27:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A deceptively offhand remark ... fine haiku, because it reminded me of keeping small boats in childhood! An emotional moment from a few syllables. I felt for a moment as if I was way back there doing that, and my hands cramped up.

    I always ponder over the syllables in these what we call "haiku" in English. (don't know any Japanese.) I mean, I ponder after making or reading one. As any book about verse starts off by pointing out, the writer isn't analyzing verseforms whilst making a piece! So I guess the zen of it is the same in English. What I reflected:

    "Paint" is split by a dipthong but counts as one syllable for metre, unless maybe you come from Aberdeen or Alabama or whatever. But with one of those accents the haiku still sounds fine! Mysterious.

    In English there are long and short syllables - different for different accents - and stressed and unstressed syllables, which makes an analysis of the second line here absolutely fascinating and likely to take a week to complete! And since I've picked on Alabama once, well thereabouts your second line has nine syllables and still sounds fayun.

    Same with "cramped": there are about n ways of saying that, affecting how to read out the poem, yet none of them spoil it!

    Well, is that Japanese genius or just another way that English so rocks?
    | Posted on 2015-06-08 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

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