[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Resuscitationdots

    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 490

       A little nod at Donne's "Legacy"

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I died when first you kissed me;
    My soul shook loose on a breath.
    My spirit failed as I exhaled
    Against the warmth of your lips.

    Two arms were there to hold me
    As the light began to gleam.
    Your body aligned firmly with mine,
    Heaven was within my reach.

    I died when first you kissed me;
    Passion scorched my soul in flight
    You, ever bold, entwined our souls,
    Exhaled, and brought me to life.

    Submitted on 2015-08-02 23:47:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Short and sweet. The content is memorable, but he best part is the way you entwined, twisted your words at the end. I read it aloud just to hear it flex and leap from my mouth. That is a rare talent. Please don't stop writing. It may end up famous one day. In fact, it made me feel something. That is quite rare indeed.
    | Posted on 2015-10-02 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      isn't it appalling that i have not read Donne?!

    that was rhetorical because i'll get there i'm sure but i sometimes get 'jealous' of those that have made the effort to expand their experiences and their craft by going where others have gone before, before i go...

    either i'm too lazy or too conceited as i write, to do that but i do 'get it' and remain 'jealous' for a while.

    i like this Jan: it is raw and open and honest without even a sniff of cuntry and western schmaltz. short and to the point with awkward rhyme (perfect) and you get to say what you want to say.

    there is some charm in that it reads as though a young teenager wrote it...
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me if the first time I felt God intimately. Very beautiful imagery and flow. Each stanza was really balanced and you kept it consistent through the entire piece.
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Love this. At first I thought you were expressing an experience of making love - then obviously, or not so obviously, I realized you were talking about a first kiss. Great! The first kiss can promise so much.
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..that was great.
    First time I imagine. ..
    How magical
    | Posted on 2015-08-03 00:00:00 | by Damien Vladimir | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]