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    dots Submission Name: Resuscitationdots

    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 490

       A little nod at Donne's "Legacy"

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I died when first you kissed me;
    My soul shook loose on a breath.
    My spirit failed as I exhaled
    Against the warmth of your lips.

    Two arms were there to hold me
    As the light began to gleam.
    Your body aligned firmly with mine,
    Heaven was within my reach.

    I died when first you kissed me;
    Passion scorched my soul in flight
    You, ever bold, entwined our souls,
    Exhaled, and brought me to life.

    Submitted on 2015-08-02 23:47:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Short and sweet. The content is memorable, but he best part is the way you entwined, twisted your words at the end. I read it aloud just to hear it flex and leap from my mouth. That is a rare talent. Please don't stop writing. It may end up famous one day. In fact, it made me feel something. That is quite rare indeed.
    | Posted on 2015-10-02 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      isn't it appalling that i have not read Donne?!

    that was rhetorical because i'll get there i'm sure but i sometimes get 'jealous' of those that have made the effort to expand their experiences and their craft by going where others have gone before, before i go...

    either i'm too lazy or too conceited as i write, to do that but i do 'get it' and remain 'jealous' for a while.

    i like this Jan: it is raw and open and honest without even a sniff of cuntry and western schmaltz. short and to the point with awkward rhyme (perfect) and you get to say what you want to say.

    there is some charm in that it reads as though a young teenager wrote it...
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me if the first time I felt God intimately. Very beautiful imagery and flow. Each stanza was really balanced and you kept it consistent through the entire piece.
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Love this. At first I thought you were expressing an experience of making love - then obviously, or not so obviously, I realized you were talking about a first kiss. Great! The first kiss can promise so much.
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..that was great.
    First time I imagine. ..
    How magical
    | Posted on 2015-08-03 00:00:00 | by Damien Vladimir | [ Reply to This ]

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