Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: screams
    Elite Ratio:    5.89 - 447/403/106
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1093



    Description:
       revisions made to a very old post.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    brown skin, flayed
    a nation, saved
    when Arms threw
    Crosses
    across the
    globe

    and an unknown
    substance
    rained down
    on our houses

    ….and now God is our only hope

    we got no tools
    to deal with these tools

    chaos breeds order
    the fear rolls in
    it doesn’t seem wrong
    since one has shown us
    where violence begins

    where violence begins

    we got no tools
    to deal with these tools

    my mind is filled with
    florescent tubes
    some Unknown’s pain
    a bitter juice

    now say this with me
    just this time:
    “it is only juice”

    its only juice

    we got no tools
    to deal with these tools

    I’ve grown used to the smell
    of rotting fruit
    we ground up strife
    and made apple pies

    guilt is my shelter
    guilt is my savior
    the ground is hard beneath my feat




    Submitted on 2015-08-10 21:21:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      my mind has been emptied
    of tubes and juice
    and mantras devoted
    to rotten fruit

    I'm living above
    these fractured streets
    that seem so unfriendly
    to these limping feet...
    | Posted on 2015-08-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a dependence on an outter source of peace.
    Look into yourself, you'll find it there.
    | Posted on 2015-08-19 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. This was a nice read. In all honesty I feel quite a bit rusty with poetry these days, but I can tell that this has a point. I have very conflicting feelings about this poem because it seems almost encased in biblical imagery, which I don't like. Call me a heathen, it is what it is. But the later change in tone of this poem, towards what I feel like is a comical self-derision, I very much enjoy.

    I don't normally like repetition, because of how closely it seems to fall in line with manipulative psychology, but I think it serves well in this poem. The message is subtle enough that I feel like you're not throwing it in people's faces. It's like a well delivered retort that treads the line of boldness, but is held back by a modesty, or reservedness, that ultimately makes it even more respectable.

    I'm not doing well at delivering these, but they're meant as compliments. You're doing things I don't like well enough that I enjoy them, en dépit de moi. Which, to me, can be the sign of a good poet – taking something beaten, dead, disabused, and making it, a least momentarily, interesting.

    The pitfalls of this poem would be (what I would call) the sometimes random uppercase letters, and the typo at the end (feat = feet). But those are minor details in the grand scheme of things.

    Marc
    | Posted on 2015-08-11 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200548

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry