I thought it was a touchy preachy, personally. But then, as a Nihilist Pagan I imagine that's more my fault than yours. I think it is awesome that you appear so wholly satiated with your faith, and I think the food metaphor goes a really long way towards demonstrating how religion seems to "fill us up" so to speak.
Structurally I would agree with Awkward, thanks for submitting!
This is fantastic. I identify with this as I have a struggle with discipline and self control about food. Chinese buffet you devil! I do think this is brilliant and holy spirit inspired and really made my day. Thank so so much for sharing it.
epiphenistic and questioning at the same time: which i like. that dynamic typically suits my view on life in which nothing is to be taken for granted.
i have the meaning(s) etc quite quickly and the approach whilst initially clumsy has patently been thought through. its naivety is alright in that regard.
for my part i'm broadly comfortable with the whole thing, despite its preachy tone because it has a beginning, a middle and an end so often lacking here on this and probably too many other sites like this.
all of the above doesn't detract from the fact that it's generally clunky and the last strophe is comfortably removed from the 3 before.
the following as a suggested alternative:
The lord is my shepherd.
So now I shall not be in want.
I have dropped want, sticky toffee mind
so I shall touch you no longer:
or at the very least
I shall lay you down.
and buffet mind I am empty of hunger for you.
I have lost my taste for you.
For I have supped the pure wine of god.
And I have lost myself in him.
Who knows where the sky ends
and where space begins?
And it is of no concern to me…