Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Augustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: etheror
    Elite Ratio:    6.32 - 226/272/113
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Four days in bed, retching
    up memories. The downpour,
    I thought, would cleanse me.
    But life is not a movie,
    and the drought begets floods.
    Condemnation, not clarity.

    Chemicals in quantities cautioned against,
    "Vision quest," I say, fungus blooming
    by the moment. "No bad trips," I say,
    your body next to mine like a neon light,
    flickering into butterflies and flying away.

    It's cheap (it always is) and fleeting.
    I hold my hand up to the rain.
    I watch the lightning slice the sky.




    Submitted on 2015-08-14 17:51:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's good to see new things up. Haven't got up to much myself lately so I'm living vicariously.

    I've never read a poem about psychedelics. I think I read Shia LaBeouf's twitter feed one time when he was tripping.

    "Four days in bed, retching
    up memories. "

    yes.

    "The downpour,
    I thought, would cleanse me."

    cool.

    "But life is not a movie,
    and the drought begets floods."

    lost here in how these two lines relate.

    "Condemnation, not clarity."

    here you're just hiding things. being obtuse. Which is fine. Sometimes poems are just for the writer, but I have to read it like I'm the audience, and I have to plaster a lot of half-remembered bad trips together to find some meaning here, and I don't necessarily like doing that. I mean, the work. I'm lazy.

    I also don't like thinking of consciousness as a curse, or how we're all just animals and there is no god, or how much of someone's skeleton you can see when you actually look at them, but that's another thing.

    But back to the poem - it works better as a whole. It's hard to find that balance between being explains-a-lot and being unapologetically personal. I love the image at the end.

    | Posted on 2015-08-20 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      The natural violence of the last line cuts up through the poem, it felt very vivid to me. Taking chemicals into your body to see visions can be a poetic calling, as it has been for some writers, but you seem to feel short-changed, when you point out the fleetingness of visions, whether they be love, symbols or hallucinations. Either way the poem is very cinematic. Are you inspired by film? Not exclusively of course, but is it something you consider an influence?

    Well. Thank you for the read.

    William
    | Posted on 2015-08-20 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of augustbrody @ IG...
    in fact, was the reason I read it.
    Turned out to be much more of a coincidence than I'd originally thought.
    | Posted on 2015-08-17 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Ugh, I can relate to this. I hope this isn't actually mushroom inspired. Sounds like disorientating longing, at least that's what I would have meant it as if i wrote it. Me and a young woman both involved in a project, work related, and this parallels that. As far as the mushrooms LSD type stuff, yeah that's definitely dangerous. But sometimes the longing can be heavier on the mind. Stay well though.
    | Posted on 2015-08-14 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the poem (it deserves critical response i aren't going to offer now)

    the poem feels solid and like a rock cave someone needs to explore, because there are secrets in it...

    just wanted to say how nice it was to discover someone has
    done writing, the bit about the neon light to butterflies was magic, in the way that gandalf the grey was MAGIC, stupendous of you to have
    conjured that.
    | Posted on 2015-08-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200557

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry