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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Augustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: etheror
    Elite Ratio:    6.32 - 226/272/113
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Four days in bed, retching
    up memories. The downpour,
    I thought, would cleanse me.
    But life is not a movie,
    and the drought begets floods.
    Condemnation, not clarity.

    Chemicals in quantities cautioned against,
    "Vision quest," I say, fungus blooming
    by the moment. "No bad trips," I say,
    your body next to mine like a neon light,
    flickering into butterflies and flying away.

    It's cheap (it always is) and fleeting.
    I hold my hand up to the rain.
    I watch the lightning slice the sky.




    Submitted on 2015-08-14 17:51:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's good to see new things up. Haven't got up to much myself lately so I'm living vicariously.

    I've never read a poem about psychedelics. I think I read Shia LaBeouf's twitter feed one time when he was tripping.

    "Four days in bed, retching
    up memories. "

    yes.

    "The downpour,
    I thought, would cleanse me."

    cool.

    "But life is not a movie,
    and the drought begets floods."

    lost here in how these two lines relate.

    "Condemnation, not clarity."

    here you're just hiding things. being obtuse. Which is fine. Sometimes poems are just for the writer, but I have to read it like I'm the audience, and I have to plaster a lot of half-remembered bad trips together to find some meaning here, and I don't necessarily like doing that. I mean, the work. I'm lazy.

    I also don't like thinking of consciousness as a curse, or how we're all just animals and there is no god, or how much of someone's skeleton you can see when you actually look at them, but that's another thing.

    But back to the poem - it works better as a whole. It's hard to find that balance between being explains-a-lot and being unapologetically personal. I love the image at the end.

    | Posted on 2015-08-20 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      The natural violence of the last line cuts up through the poem, it felt very vivid to me. Taking chemicals into your body to see visions can be a poetic calling, as it has been for some writers, but you seem to feel short-changed, when you point out the fleetingness of visions, whether they be love, symbols or hallucinations. Either way the poem is very cinematic. Are you inspired by film? Not exclusively of course, but is it something you consider an influence?

    Well. Thank you for the read.

    William
    | Posted on 2015-08-20 00:00:00 | by Angeles | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of augustbrody @ IG...
    in fact, was the reason I read it.
    Turned out to be much more of a coincidence than I'd originally thought.
    | Posted on 2015-08-17 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Ugh, I can relate to this. I hope this isn't actually mushroom inspired. Sounds like disorientating longing, at least that's what I would have meant it as if i wrote it. Me and a young woman both involved in a project, work related, and this parallels that. As far as the mushrooms LSD type stuff, yeah that's definitely dangerous. But sometimes the longing can be heavier on the mind. Stay well though.
    | Posted on 2015-08-14 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the poem (it deserves critical response i aren't going to offer now)

    the poem feels solid and like a rock cave someone needs to explore, because there are secrets in it...

    just wanted to say how nice it was to discover someone has
    done writing, the bit about the neon light to butterflies was magic, in the way that gandalf the grey was MAGIC, stupendous of you to have
    conjured that.
    | Posted on 2015-08-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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