And here you are
And pressed against me
This has such strong and moving imagery. And I love the word choices throughout this piece. Lithe especially. It feels very sensual; very intimate. I can feel the sun stretching out, caressing her lover's skin! I love the bit about the erect wildflowers as well. And this:
Slowly she skins the scorched shore
And licks its salty stratum
I love the juxtaposition of the sun and the moon and how it seems a fresh perspective somehow.
My one (quite bold and presumptuous, I admit) suggestion? Try at least reading the poem without this whole section:
"That brief awkward moment of each day
Where the world is cast into limbo wondering
If that ancient orange sphere would appear
And nurture once again
That with which God hath set forth shall pass"
I feel like it is unneeded. Like it distracts from the “action” and gives way to commentary. The poem seems to me, more poetic without these lines.
I hope this does not offend you. I LOVE this piece! I just think it may be stronger without that part.
I have a piece I am working on that seems to have gotten a bit out of hand that I would love your input on. I invite you to dissect it and find ways to help me salvage anything you think might be worth salvaging.
It is my first in quite a long time as well.
But back to you. This was worth the wait. Well done!
There is so much about this I love. Your personification of the shore- salty scrotum, that was amazing. What a perfect description. The contrast from morning to night is gorgeous, you truly capture the beauty and divinity of life, the imagery is breath taking. And throughout this beautiful display of nature you bring a really honest voice, what is the word...it is just blunt, yet I have never seen such bluntness with such art for word choice. High praises on this it is definitely the best I have read in awhile for having so much talent behind it and so much of what I am personally drawn to.