Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Psychic Connectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 419/435/131
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1157
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPsychic Connectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is some horoscope

    some fortune cookie

    I Ching

    Tarot

    this is a
    Facebook personality test

    What colour are you?

    I say.

    then you think

    “This is ME!”

    the song on the radio
    so vague and yet oddly specific

    speaking of a kiss
    a lamp
    on 6th street

    we made love there in the back of a Jeep
    like teenagers
    drunk

    later, you called from the cold

    languishing, restless

    and I replied

    resplendent

    and for some small moment
    we were like wild conjoined twins
    in a vacuum

    Or

    we will be.




    Submitted on 2015-09-01 17:33:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yup. I like the synchronatic feeling of this piece and I definitely agree with these connections being, well connected. Waves of consciousness traveling through many different mediums. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2015-09-17 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a very trippy feel to it. Part of its charm is the almost erratic nature of the piece. As I read it I couldn't help but hear Hendrix's 'Manic Depression". It is not so much that the piece is depressed, as it is insane. What I mean by that is the fact that many today try to find themselves in these pop quiz FaceBook test. Or for that matter, in the stars, the cookie and or sexual relations. I think you deftly and with great satire deal with the nonsense of trivial fulfillment. You recognize that to be truly fulfilled one must be so on hearty stuff.

    The only nit I have is the ending. "we will be" is quite limp compared to the driving power of the piece. I like how you tie in the foretelling aspect of the piece, but I know you can do it in a stronger way.

    Overall, I truly enjoyed your work.
    JP
    | Posted on 2015-09-03 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200615

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Merge written by saartha
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Yearn written by saartha
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Lying Acceptance written by ForgottenGraves
    Exult written by saartha
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Two written by homeless
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    Roots written by Chelebel
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    Rough written by saartha
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry