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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Psychic Connectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 417/434/131
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPsychic Connectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is some horoscope

    some fortune cookie

    I Ching

    Tarot

    this is a
    Facebook personality test

    What colour are you?

    I say.

    then you think

    “This is ME!”

    the song on the radio
    so vague and yet oddly specific

    speaking of a kiss
    a lamp
    on 6th street

    we made love there in the back of a Jeep
    like teenagers
    drunk

    later, you called from the cold

    languishing, restless

    and I replied

    resplendent

    and for some small moment
    we were like wild conjoined twins
    in a vacuum

    Or

    we will be.




    Submitted on 2015-09-01 17:33:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yup. I like the synchronatic feeling of this piece and I definitely agree with these connections being, well connected. Waves of consciousness traveling through many different mediums. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2015-09-17 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a very trippy feel to it. Part of its charm is the almost erratic nature of the piece. As I read it I couldn't help but hear Hendrix's 'Manic Depression". It is not so much that the piece is depressed, as it is insane. What I mean by that is the fact that many today try to find themselves in these pop quiz FaceBook test. Or for that matter, in the stars, the cookie and or sexual relations. I think you deftly and with great satire deal with the nonsense of trivial fulfillment. You recognize that to be truly fulfilled one must be so on hearty stuff.

    The only nit I have is the ending. "we will be" is quite limp compared to the driving power of the piece. I like how you tie in the foretelling aspect of the piece, but I know you can do it in a stronger way.

    Overall, I truly enjoyed your work.
    JP
    | Posted on 2015-09-03 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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