Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Quickwater (2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 41/64/76
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1239



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuickwater (2)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I'm taking a moments rest
    somehow I'm all drenched

    I'm feelin' like a frozen pond,
    and i've fallen into my own depths

    the sting of it continues to falls over me

    as I breath it in, its all cold
    like the wind, taking all of me
    convulsing, and freezing inside of me

    when I finally exhale
    it takes a little bit
    of my words
    and off they go

    to where the sky
    accumulates the sound
    of each hail
    by increasing its volume

    without warning
    my eyes that have no master
    lead me astray,

    plotting each percussion
    my heart beat faster
    as I realized

    they let me be toppled
    by the cold hail, and cold water

    they never saw me through
    the bubbles

    goose bumps become my texture
    my vision builds up an unpalatable salt

    I watch from a distance
    as I fall with gravity
    and evaporate before
    I hit the cold water.

    I finally decide
    that there's no substance
    to what i'm trying to say




    Submitted on 2015-09-02 00:54:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a lovely vapour.

    We enter your vapour and follow it until it disappears in the cold water - your breath on the winter air.

    But as you say, your breath has no substance. Of course not, it is life itself, the word made flesh, and contains every substance there is or will be - but betrayed. A Judas with every breath - betrayal with every kiss, and each breath a hanging.

    | Posted on 2015-09-17 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
      Love your goose bumps as your texture....
    | Posted on 2015-09-02 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200616

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Incubus written by monad
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry