Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Quickwater (2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 41/64/78
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1239



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuickwater (2)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I'm taking a moments rest
    somehow I'm all drenched

    I'm feelin' like a frozen pond,
    and i've fallen into my own depths

    the sting of it continues to falls over me

    as I breath it in, its all cold
    like the wind, taking all of me
    convulsing, and freezing inside of me

    when I finally exhale
    it takes a little bit
    of my words
    and off they go

    to where the sky
    accumulates the sound
    of each hail
    by increasing its volume

    without warning
    my eyes that have no master
    lead me astray,

    plotting each percussion
    my heart beat faster
    as I realized

    they let me be toppled
    by the cold hail, and cold water

    they never saw me through
    the bubbles

    goose bumps become my texture
    my vision builds up an unpalatable salt

    I watch from a distance
    as I fall with gravity
    and evaporate before
    I hit the cold water.

    I finally decide
    that there's no substance
    to what i'm trying to say




    Submitted on 2015-09-02 00:54:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a lovely vapour.

    We enter your vapour and follow it until it disappears in the cold water - your breath on the winter air.

    But as you say, your breath has no substance. Of course not, it is life itself, the word made flesh, and contains every substance there is or will be - but betrayed. A Judas with every breath - betrayal with every kiss, and each breath a hanging.

    | Posted on 2015-09-17 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
      Love your goose bumps as your texture....
    | Posted on 2015-09-02 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200616

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    More written by homeless
    Exult written by saartha
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Shading written by saartha
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Orange written by saartha
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Believed written by homeless
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Two written by homeless
    Ardent written by saartha
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Merge written by saartha
    Yearn written by saartha
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Rough written by saartha
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry