[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Summer (working title)dots

    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.09 - 366/363/154
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1351


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer (working title)dots

    To think of Autumn’s audacity in taking Summer
    In slowly swallowing her like these raucous clouds
    Devouring the moon ligament by ligament

    Even the apple tree is weakened –
    Her labor is lost
    To the cold white cackle of the black raven

    Since childhood I’ve been enthralled by that reaper
    Skulking in the sky –

    There is something unrequited about that bird
    Something jarring about its stoic blackness

    It reminds me of the weight of nothingness –-

    Or the pale stillness that follows a touch of her coal wings
    The solvent of incessant presence
    That strips the lithe moments from our minds

    And leaves us frames of bone knocking
    Into each other searching for the warmth of the womb

    But if Summer must succumb
    She shall in chatoyant incandescence - in

    Harvest Reds
    Wheat field Yellows
    Burnished Suns
    Stubborn Greens
    Creamy pink skies studded with the arrival of turquoise stars

    A Sovereign tapestry draped over even the darkest Autumn
    To encourage those left behind that

    And shall
    Return in the Crocus---

    Submitted on 2015-09-02 00:57:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Lovely. I wish I could say something more constructive. I love the imagery here. And the personification of the seasons really works. Yes. Well done.
    | Posted on 2015-10-04 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Just the other day I watched a raven eat another bird just as Autumn eats Summer. But how the other birds hate the raven and dive bomb it to drive it away, yet I have seen four ravens mourning the death of a fellow raven. Does Autumn mourn Summer?
    | Posted on 2015-09-15 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
      Another great observation of nature. I never looked at it this way, as you introduced in the first stanza. And the evidence you provide along with this is really good, the raven and the stoic blackness, for the rest of the piece. I think this is not only an interesting piece but it is very well written and supported. Awesome awesome.
    | Posted on 2015-09-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]