Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Summer (working title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 636
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1351



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSummer (working title)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    To think of Autumn’s audacity in taking Summer
    In slowly swallowing her like these raucous clouds
    Devouring the moon ligament by ligament

    Even the apple tree is weakened –
    Her labor is lost
    To the cold white cackle of the black raven

    Since childhood I’ve been enthralled by that reaper
    Skulking in the sky –

    There is something unrequited about that bird
    Something jarring about its stoic blackness

    It reminds me of the weight of nothingness –-

    Or the pale stillness that follows a touch of her coal wings
    The solvent of incessant presence
    That strips the lithe moments from our minds

    And leaves us frames of bone knocking
    Into each other searching for the warmth of the womb

    But if Summer must succumb
    She shall in chatoyant incandescence - in

    Harvest Reds
    And
    Wheat field Yellows
    And
    Burnished Suns
    And
    Stubborn Greens
    And
    Creamy pink skies studded with the arrival of turquoise stars

    A Sovereign tapestry draped over even the darkest Autumn
    To encourage those left behind that


    And shall
    Return in the Crocus---




    Submitted on 2015-09-02 00:57:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lovely. I wish I could say something more constructive. I love the imagery here. And the personification of the seasons really works. Yes. Well done.
    | Posted on 2015-10-04 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Just the other day I watched a raven eat another bird just as Autumn eats Summer. But how the other birds hate the raven and dive bomb it to drive it away, yet I have seen four ravens mourning the death of a fellow raven. Does Autumn mourn Summer?
    | Posted on 2015-09-15 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
      Another great observation of nature. I never looked at it this way, as you introduced in the first stanza. And the evidence you provide along with this is really good, the raven and the stoic blackness, for the rest of the piece. I think this is not only an interesting piece but it is very well written and supported. Awesome awesome.
    | Posted on 2015-09-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200617

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry