what would you say to this man
without probable cause
in a concordant fashion about he who
without piece of mind
discusses the matters within
without proper instruction on
these properties and if their inches lie
waiting at all where and what by?
as far as i can see,
wherever he may be,
the poor man's oath to himself
and all his opinions perish inevitably.
I kind of like this a lot because at the end it's pretty resonant and leaves me feeling like if we were lightbulbs you'd be a hundred watts brighter than me. Bright lights are good.
On the other hand i feel like the within without enjambment is unfortunate because it's awkward- for being over complicated.
I sometimes feel like in your writing you unbind an inch thick rope in order to make sure the prisoner is five times more secure.
There's no need to do that,
and imo it gives us no idea of your voice.
I think i have written 4 times as many poems as i have up...
there's nothing wrong with writing, but in this poem are you Albert Einstein, in that poem are you William Shakespeare. ...
who, young sir