Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your ship has saileddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    38/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 337/331/94
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 686
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1153



    Description:
       Even when you block their numbers they find ways and as they say "curiosity killed the cat" and I couldn't help myself. But I realized to be over this I cant wonder his thoughts of me...his reality not mine..IM movin on! Bye Felisha!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour ship has saileddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have found myself at the end of the rope,

    and as extended as I choose to be.



    I realize the chaos of you,

    and I have receded from that disturbance.



    I now navigate on,



    and you are far to the absence

    of everything that is me.



    I have passed the threshold



    as well as "deleted forever" the files marked from you.

    No longer to read on in your forced upon emails

    I looked

    saw the title and choose...



    NO!



    By no means will I let your thoughts fill my head.



    Not any longer to breathe in

    the hate that is you.



    Im far from this now.



    Even though its on the horizon,

    I can see it fading.



    And I cant wait for the new sun.

    --




    Denise Werntz




    Submitted on 2015-09-20 15:19:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Always a great way to release angst. In free verse is poignant and well done

    YOur Friend
    Ben
    | Posted on 2015-09-25 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the conversational, aloof, nonchalant tone this piece takes. The word usage is direct, confident. The tone matches the metaphor and i also really liked that quality. Stick to it sista, no need to waste energy sailin around and around the same old current!
    | Posted on 2015-09-22 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      That's right, it might be on the horizon (and somewhat visible)...but it is fading. Time heals all wounds...

    I like the "Bye Felisha" (or Felicia) reference in the description. Why didn't you weave that bit of urbanism into your piece? You're so important that I don't even remember (or care to remember) your name! Good stuff!

    Things like what you presented here are remnants that need to be extracted and discarded, lest it could cause even more damage. Like venom from a snakebite...get it out!!!

    As I always say, keep smiling Denise...

    Kelly
    | Posted on 2015-09-21 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Really neat way to show a love given up on. I like the computer metaphors. "as well as "deleted forever" the files marked from you." Something almost surreal reality to those words. We in our life almost never get to completely delete something, not even our memory. But in a computer we get this chance. The ending is also very nice. How you see the events before fading into the distance and in the distance ahead of you is a new and hopefully brighter future.
    | Posted on 2015-09-21 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200680

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Lying Acceptance written by ForgottenGraves
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    what a thought could do to you written by Daniel Barlow
    Terrified part three written by MyPeriodical
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Rough written by saartha
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Variety written by saartha
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Spaces written by Daniel Barlow
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    5/29/2019 written by nolram
    Ardent written by saartha
    The written by Hazy skies
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Merge written by saartha
    The Inate written by MyPeriodical
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    a trish poem written by Daniel Barlow
    Something Spoken written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled#1 written by Daniel Barlow
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry