Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All Around the Universedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 480
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll Around the Universedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love's been hard on us all
    showing us our flaws.
    Inertia of late night calls,
    moving love into view.
    Curling hearts into one.
    Meeting parents for dinner.
    Idle kisses good-night,
    dreaming of each others smell.
    Making the love scenes,
    knowing each other so well.
    Moving small lives in rooms
    down apartment halls.
    Echo of wedding bells,
    rings forever on ordain fingers.
    Our children blooming children.
    The Prophets know our lives.
    You watch the light fade
    from my full of life eyes.
    Your eyes a veil of tears.
    I whisper,
    “I Love You All Around the Universe.”
    Our movie fades to black.
    Credits roll,
    my name moves off the screen.
    Reflecting
    I'll see our life in reverse.
    My mind pauses
    On the first time,
    “I Love You All Around the Universe,”
    was said.




    Submitted on 2015-09-20 23:56:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the mention of smell, only someone who has been in that intimate moment with a lover where the other person is just committed to soul could pick that out. It gave such credibility to the rest of the piece. The mention of a long lived love set to an infinite scale of being, and it was real and validated by that one thing, that reality of truth, the smell, the way we come to love one another through all senses. Totally takes this from just being an obscure mention of love to a validated piece of good poetry. I very much enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-09-21 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200683

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Records I written by Raphael
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry