[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: would-be'sdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 512


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    how different you had looked from
    how you’d sounded –
    an outline against the dust
    and headlights on the dirt road --
    and if i were to close
    my eyes this very moment -- hear
    The universe pass by, settled in
    Post-soviet trains, disgruntled
    Guitars drift breaking rifts
    up to my window – how happier
    would I have been
    Wrapped around the jacaranda
    On a hill down in Zambia!

    Submitted on 2015-09-24 15:37:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I noticed this the other day. It gets a YES. from me.

    I like the attention to the sonics in it which build as tension and then relax. I like the big things, dust in the headlights mutating to the universe passing by and then the very clear [Focused] way you move from unique percetions/description to very pin-point place and time...

    the train (because of geography and personalization) becomes your train - and the alternative becomes your alternative.

    There's a grace about that,
    the if and

    | Posted on 2015-09-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Bond written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]