Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: would-be'sdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 137/245/159
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 512



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswould-be'sdots
    -------------------------------------------


    how different you had looked from
    how you’d sounded –
    an outline against the dust
    and headlights on the dirt road --
    and if i were to close
    my eyes this very moment -- hear
    The universe pass by, settled in
    Post-soviet trains, disgruntled
    Guitars drift breaking rifts
    up to my window – how happier
    would I have been
    Wrapped around the jacaranda
    On a hill down in Zambia!









    Submitted on 2015-09-24 15:37:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I noticed this the other day. It gets a YES. from me.

    I like the attention to the sonics in it which build as tension and then relax. I like the big things, dust in the headlights mutating to the universe passing by and then the very clear [Focused] way you move from unique percetions/description to very pin-point place and time...

    the train (because of geography and personalization) becomes your train - and the alternative becomes your alternative.

    There's a grace about that,
    the if and
    what.

    Accomplished.
    | Posted on 2015-09-27 00:00:00 | by theludus | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    200692

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Eyes written by homeless
    I Believed written by homeless
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    Just a fantasy written by TiaanK
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Sadistic lust written by jjd
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Revised written by Darkwarrior
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    More written by homeless
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Don't Tell Me You Love Me written by homeless
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Two written by homeless
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry